nineteen

27

Blue's POV

I woke up the next morning and Peep was gone. I jolted up and scanned the room, feeling lost. One minute I have him and the next he's gone.

"Peep?" I call, hoping he was only in the bathroom or something. No Gus. Only Travis's voice.

"I think he left earlier Blue" he says softly, I know he was trying to help me but it shattered my heart to hear those words.

"Why?? Where is he??" I ask frantically. I feel sick. I have this horrible feeling in my gut. Something is terribly wrong.

"I'm not sure. He was gone before I woke up an hour ago...I texted Tracy but he hasn't hit me back yet"

My stomach sinks. "Trav somethings wrong" I say weakly. "Why? What?" he asks worriedly. "I don't know Trav but something feels off. Really off, we need to find him please I have to see him"

"Do you think that's the best idea right now B?"

"Travis i'm serious....something is wrong"

Travis doesn't ask anymore questions. He just accepts my concern. He throws on his hoodie and sneakers and helps me up from the couch where I sat hunched over in pain. He examines my bloody arm. "Blue this doesn't look good...what if it's infected?"

"Don't worry about this right now please we need to go" I tell him. I can't shake this feeling deep in my stomach.

Travis drives me back to the bus and I immediately run through the door, straight to Peeps room and bang on the door. Travis had to head home but he told me I have to ring him as soon as I sort this shit out with Peep.

No answer. I try and pull it open but it's locked. I turn around and look at the crowd of boys sitting in the back.

"Have any of you checked on him??????" I ask panicked.

"I did" Tracy says, looking stoned. "He needs a minute tho I think"

"How long ago?" I ask immediately. "Ion know B. Maybe an hour or two"

"Tracy! Help me open this door please" I start to cry.

"Shit B it's okay!" Tracy says, jumping out of his seat when he sees my distress. He snaps back into reality from his faded state. He guides me away from the stares of the rest of the guys into the hallway around the side near Peep's room.

I appreciated the way he wanted to shield me from view in the vulnerable state I'm in but all I could think about was kicking that fucking door down right now.

Tracy holds me by the shoulders as if to calm me down. "B....We will sort it out aight...don't cry" he says calmly. "Trace we need to get the door open" I say in tears. I can't calm down right now.

Tracy bashes on the door but still no response from Peep.

"Aight, B go grab me a knife from the kitchen" he says. "Actually..." he adds, reaching into the back pocket of his black jeans and pulling out a switch blade.

He sticks it into the keyhole and somehow managed to pry the door open.

I just cried harder. Peep was laying there unconscious. I rushed to him, grabbing his face in my hands. "Peep" I cry.

No response. "PEEP" I yell, shaking him violently. Nothing.

"TRACY HELP ME" I scream, sobbing, hunched over his pale body. There's an empty bottle of pills and dried up vomit on his pillow, my heart and mind are racing.

Tracy rushes to him, pushing him into his side. Peep suddenly begins to cough and wheeze, as if he had been choking.

He reached out, clutching my hand desperately as he gasped for air. Tracy forcefully pats his back, bringing more air to his lungs. He limply rolls onto his back, his eyes looking almost lifeless.

"Let me go" he mutters.

"Are you fucking CRAZY?" I scream at him. "WAKE THE FUCK UP!"

His eyes fill with tears. "Let me go!!!" he says louder, now choking on his tears. "You don't need me Blue you're better off without me just let me fucking go"

I'm speechless at this point. My eyes turn towards Tracy in disbelief. He stares back at me also stunned.

"Cmon man...." Tracy utters after a few silent minutes that felt like forever. Peep laid there with his eyes closed.

"Ima give you a minute okay B?" He says looking at me. He mouths the words 'text me if you need me' pointing at his phone, and I nod.

"Gus I swear to fucking god don't you dare do this shit to me ever again" I say quietly after Tracy had left to give us space. I close the door behind us.

Peep sits up suddenly, but collapses into me, crying. "I'm sorry Blue" he says over and over and over, like a knife in my heart. "I'm a fuck up, i'm a piece of shit"

"Stop saying that bullshit Gus" I say firmly. "I can't live without you now. But I need you to stay the fuck away from me now or i'll never live with myself" he tells me.

"It's too late for that Gus. I'm here now. You're all I have"

"You deserve better"

"I need you Gus."

"You don't need me Blue you want me. I need you."

"I do need you. You don't know shit"

He sighs and closes his eyes again. I stay awake all goddamn night by his side making sure he doesn't choke again. Tracy rolled me a blunt to smoke to calm me down while I rub Peep's back.

He must have needed this rest because he's out cold. Either that or the pills are still in effect.