I don't wanna fall in love again...

Forever was a lie for me...

"I love you Pooja, you are my forever..."

"Long-distance, it is not going to change anything between us, I love you and I mean it, I can never think about anyone else other than you, I love you so much baby, nothing or no one is going to change that..."

"Sorry baby, I got busy with things and couldn't take your calls. I swear it will not happen again"

"Sorry Pooja, this week was so hectic, I didn't even get time to eat or sleep, then how I am going to message or call you, try to understand"

"Sorry Pooja, I can't do this anymore, I don't feel the same with you, this distance, it is drawing a distance between what we had"

"Sorry Pooja, I didn't mean to cheat you or anything but if I didn't tell you this then I can never forgive myself, I... I am in love with someone else... Please don't hate me... I will always be there for you, I promise, but what we had wasn't enough and now I got what I really wanted... I am really sorry... I am sure something better is waiting for you..."

All these dialogues of my ex were ringing in my ear, when I was sitting in the auditorium watching him, sitting in the mandap as the groom. He was looking so handsome, he always was, but I didn't notice it until he proposed to me. I was on the moon when I realised he loves me more than a friend and he is going to be mine forever. Not because I had a crush on him, but because he was a nice guy and most of the girls in our college wanted someone like him, a handsome gentleman.

I started loving him from that moment, I thought he is my forever, other than a kiss here and there he didn't ask for anything, he didn't want to rush me or make me uncomfortable, he always says 'forever is in front of us baby, we have time for everything he was too perfect for me, I thought at that moment, because which men do that?

I am not saying he cheated on me, I know he loved me or he thought he loved me and... And when Sanaya came into his life he realised the mistake. He realised he wanted to be with her more than to be with me. Our long distance made him realise that I was just an infatuation and Sanaya was his real love. He didn't propose to her until I gave him the green signal, can i picture him as a bad guy after that? No, I can't and I didn't. But my heart, he really broke it. I will never trust anyone again, I will never fall in love again...

I couldn't find myself after that, I cried and cried. All I could do was cry, I can't blame him, he can't do anything if he falls out of love, if he tried to hide this from me, I would have never forgiven him and it would have made things complicated. I can understand these things my brain can understand these things, but my mind is as stupid as my heart.

It really hurts when I think about this, he didn't love me as I did love him. I would have given my life for him, I was ready to risk everything for him. I was doing my masters in arch in Gujarat. When he said it is risking our relationship, I was ready to drop my studies, but he stopped me saying it was just one more year. And that one more year has changed everything.

"Hey Poona"

"Arhh, it's Pooja," I said in irritation.

"Whatever, here," she said showing a tissue paper to my face "your eyes are leaking" and sat beside me.

"Ohh," I didn't realize I was crying, I took the tissue and wiped my tears. "Thank you"

"Ohh, don't think that I was doing that for you, I was just concerned about the other guests, if your eyes start leaking then we would be facing a flood soon..."

"Haa, very funny," I said wiping my nose.

This is Drishya, she doesn't show her feelings, she just appears from nowhere and brightness my mood, she is like a secret best friend who really isn't my friend. She knew I was in love with Akshay...