So many colours in my life

23. Sweet pink of gratitude

"A-Xian," Wei Wuxian was pulled out of his thoughts by Jiang Yanli's kind voice. It felt like seeing a safe harbour after navigating a raging storm. His anxiety did not go away, but at least he could put his attention into something else. "I have never seen you using this flute before..."

"I just happened to pick it up," he avoided the question. He could not start explaining to her just how this flute came to be. He was afraid and his heart could not find any relief. Would his sister insist on knowing more?

Luckily, she only smiled at him: "I see. It recognizes you as its owner. So it is your spiritual devise. Does it have a name?"

A name? No, of course not. Why would he give a name to something so dangerous as a flute which could control resentful energy and came directly from the Burial Mounds? Moreover, he did not feel like he was its owner, more the other way around really.

He had not been afraid of it before, it had simply been a tool, nothing more. But now when he started thinking about it, it was also a tool which helped him channel any excess of resentful energy. It was dangerous all on its own.

He was scared of it now. Scared, that it could hurt his loved ones without his permission. Just like earlier.

But perhaps, if he gave it a name, if he tied it to himself a little bit more, would it obey him better? He felt like the flute had a mind of its own. Not fully ready to listen to his every command and help him, but not fully resentful and doing the bidding of the resentful energy. Perhaps if he gave it a nice name, it could feel closer to him.

Suddenly, his thoughts went to Lan Zhan. The Gusu Lan sect also named their musical instruments. They were their spiritual devices. Even though his flute was working on a completely different principle, it could still be comparable in the sense of having to earn its loyalty.

He should not be afraid of it. It would only cause him more anxiety when using it. And this was not a good feeling when dealing with the resentful energy. He should be calm and collected. He needed to tether himself to something more positive.

Right, naming the flute could only be a good idea, he decided. He looked at it and was asking himself what should the perfect and positive name be. Once again, he thought about its origin and about Lan Zhan, and about everything that had brought him here.

Yes, he got it!

"Then... I will name it Chenqing."

"Chenqing..." Jiang Yanli tried the name out. Then she smiled at him as only a sister could. "That is a nice name." He smiled back.

The next thing he knew, his Shijie gently manoeuvred him towards the table in the room and sat him down. It was only now that Wei Wuxian noticed she had not come empty handed.

Even before she took off the lid of her basket, he knew what she had brought for him. It was her very special soup that he had come to love ever since the first time she had cooked it for him and Jiang Cheng. His mouth was already watering in anticipation.

"A-Xian, I have noticed that you did not eat much during the banquet. So I prepared some soup for you." Jiang Yanli told him while filling a bowl with the heavenly smelling dish.

Until then, Wei Wuxian had not known what true gratitude was. If he was thinking he had already felt it earlier that day, he had been sorely mistaken. What was in his heart now was the purest gratitude towards his sister. She always knew how to lift his spirits.

He had all but forgotten about the terrible voices of the resentful energy which had not let him rest earlier. They had vanished as he accepted the bowl and took the first sip of the soup especially prepared by his sister. He could not help himself but to smile widely like a fool.

This was the best feeling ever, how could he had forgotten until now? He was savouring the food slowly. It tasted like love, he had no other way to describe it. It brought tears to his eyes. He lifted his head from the bowl to say that it was delicious.

However, he immediately saw that Jiang Yanli was still observing him closely. Her expression was now worried and there was a little scowl between her eyebrows.

Reluctantly, he put the bowl down and concentrated on his sister. "Shijie, what is wrong?" he asked. He did not have to, to tell the truth, he already knew what she was about to say.

And here it came.

He did not get any time to prepare himself and she was already asking those uncomfortable questions again: "A-Xian, you have changed. Where have you been these past three months? I watched you grow up, do you think I have not noticed anything? What is going on with you?"

He smiled and did his best to appear like he was behaving normally. He had still a little difficulty in this department. He was not sure he would actually ever be able to go fully back to his previous self. Too much had happened and too many things had changed. Including himself.

"Shijie, you worry too much," he tried to brush the undelaying questions off.

Even if he wanted – which he was not sure he did – he would not be able to say anything about his time in the Burial Mounds. Those memories were way too painful. He did not want to ruin his great mood by remembering something like that.

It would also inevitably invite the whispers of the resentful energy back. And that was the last thing he wanted when there was Jiang Yanli's soup right in front of him. He hoped his sister would catch up on his reluctance and would not insist.

Luckily, Jiang Yanli did not push any further and once again, Wei Wuxian was eternally grateful to her for giving him his space. His heart was overflowing and he could not keep a wide grin from displaying itself on his lips.

For a second, he was wondering if this was what happiness should feel like. But he was not sure. This particular feeling still stayed hidden deep behind a barrier he himself had put up. For now, he would take what he could get.

He did not think it possible, but he was even more grateful when Jiang Yanli let the matter go entirely. She told him that the most important thing was that the three of them – he, his Shijie and Jiang Cheng – were together. Wei Wuxian could not but agree with her.

Yes, he was back and he was not going anywhere anymore. He was grateful he had been able to make it out of the Burial Mounds and back to his siblings' side.

Jiang Yanli then excused herself and left with the rest of the soup. Even if Wei Wuxian teased her that she had left more for Jiang Cheng, he was satisfied. He finished his dinner in peace.

Perhaps because he was feeling so well, the whispers of the resentful energy never returned that evening. Even if it was already late in the night, he went back to lay in his bed. This time, a dreamless deep sleep came to him easily.