So many colours in my life

24. Determined red of perseverance

For the next few weeks, Wei Wuxian slid into kind of a routine. He would toss and turn in his bed at night and join the battlefield during the day.

The Sunshot campaign was in a real stalemate with the armies of Wen Ruohan and there was no time for anything else. He was one of the strongest on the allied forces' side now, there was no other way for him but to fight.

Even though every single time he had to go to the battlefield, his stomach would knot itself and he would be overtaken by anxiety, he still persevered. There were so many potential dangers when fighting.

And he was not talking about a coreless, exhausted and half-mad man joining the fight. He had already accepted the state his body was now in and was slowly getting used to it. There was no other way anyway.

He could not break down and become a useless burden for his siblings. He just had to grit his teeth and do his best.

However, he was more worried about his fellow cultivators. His use of demonic cultivation, although celebrated for its potency and help in the war, was generally not well accepted by the allied troupes. Normal cultivators tended to avoid him and fear him. Just like basically everyone else aside for a few individuals: his family, his friends and a handful of others.

It seemed to him that even the leaders of the Gusu Lan and the Qinghe Nie sects were looking at him with somewhat strange eyes. He did not feel comfortable facing them.

He was not sure what was happening. He was constantly on his guard. Partially because he still feared that someone would push on where he had been and what had happened to him. He was determined to take these particular secrets to his grave with him.

Which could happen sooner rather than later as things were. His exhaustion never went away and half of the time, Wei Wuxian had no idea what he had been doing the whole day. He just forced his body to run on autopilot and did his best to hang on. He did not like the idea of getting overwhelmed and controlled by the resentful energy ever again.

Now that the seal on his feelings had become loose, he was starting to once again be pushed left and right by them. And the resentful energy was taking advantage of his weak mind. It was constantly trying to take over. It was getting harder and more dangerous every day. There were only very little positive emotions he could leverage on to help him overcome this ordeal.

Though, if it seemed impossible, he just wanted to succeed all that more. After all, was he not still the official head disciple of the Yunmeng Jiang sect? Attempting the impossible was basically like his job description.

And tried he did. Every time that the cries of the resentful energy had become too much, he would remind himself to stay in control. Every time his demonic cultivation was put to a test, he just gritted his teeth and pushed forward. Every time his body and soul were so exhausted, he did not think he could go on for another second, he remembered his promise to Jiang Yanli and persevered in his efforts at keeping himself together.

It was hard, but nothing he could not do. If it was fighting with himself or with enemies, he knew how to do both.

However, the more urgent problem was the attitude of his fellow cultivators. He had not expected them to like him, far from that actually. But the fact that they celebrated his achievements on the battlefield just after saying harsh words behind his back was slowly getting to him. Some even called him a second Wen Ruohan.

Well, they were not that far off the mark really. As he was discovering the true extend of his powers, he also thought that there was something really eerie about them. Luckily for now, it was not getting completely out of hand.

Despite everything though, the resentful energy was becoming more and more agitated every single day. And he was getting more and more irritated with everything. He just wanted all of this to end. And yet, he had to persevere and protect everything he held dear and liked.

***

For several weeks already, the war was not really progressing. They had found themselves holding their positions but not really advancing. They managed to kill both of Wen Ruohan's sons. But if the Qishan Wen sect leader was impacted in any way by this loss, it could not be sensed on the battlefield.

It was not really the army of Wen sect cultivators which was the biggest problem either. They could deal with that, they were mortals after all, just like them. No, the much harder obstacle, almost an impenetrable wall in front of them, were Wen Ruohan's puppets.

They did not need to sleep. They did not eat to stop to rest or eat. And most importantly, they were not bothered about any injuries. No matter how badly they were wounded, they would still fight. They really were troublesome.

Wei Wuxian was sitting in his room. He was wracking his head and trying to come up with a solution. Since the puppets could not be harmed by seemingly anything, that left only one option. He had to try to bring them under his command with help of resentful energy.

He had already tried actually. And with a lot of effort too. In the end, he had managed to take a few puppets out of the picture. They would not listen to him as per say, however, he had at least made them not follow Wen Ruohan's orders. So he still counted it as a win.

It was not enough thought. It was just a dozen of puppets, no more. And overcoming each of them took an enormous effort. He could not even manage to face two in a same day. In this way, he was completely useless! It was too little, way too little to win the war.

He was standing against the Yin iron. Even his flute and all his efforts were in vain against something like that.

Still, he persevered and did not give up looking for a solution. He needed something to help him channel and focus the resentful energy. He needed a catalyst for his powers.

Where to get one though? It was not like there were spare pieces of the Yin iron lying on the ground and waiting for him to pick them up.

At this point, he had already tried all the other options he could think of. Getting his hands on a piece of the Yin iron and refining it into becoming his personal weapon was the only possibility left.

Suddenly, the voices of the resentful energy screamed ever louder in his head. He wanted to shut his ears, if only it would serve anything. He knew from experience that such an action was completely useless. The resentful energy only mocked him for trying too hard.

There was a black smoke all around him. For a second, Wei Wuxian was afraid that he had finally lost his control.

Luckily, he soon realized that was not the case. He could move by his own will and he could also restrain the resentful energy after a minute of intense concentration. He was still himself, still the master of his own mind.

Even though believing this statement was somewhat hard when he could not even hear his own thoughts. The resentful energy was so agitated, raging inside of him, that he was feeling like he was truly becoming crazy.

It took him quite a while to concentrate on anything else but on his fight for control. After a while, he realized that there was a source to all this turmoil. And it was not him as per say. It was actually something on his person.

He reached down and touched a half-forgotten qiakun pouch. The black smoke was coming from the inside.

There was his solution! He could not believe it had been under his nose all this while. He had a piece of the Yin iron. And it had already been moulded down and refined by someone.

He smiled crookedly. Well, he could work with this, he could make it happen. No, he would definitely make it happen. There was no other way for him but to succeed. It was just the question of the correct approach and mindset.

After all, if he was anything, he was perseverant.