In the name of God (Arvin Russellxreader)

Chapter 17 - Reflections

(TW: mentions of anxiety and a panic attack, please skip this chapter if you're uncomfortable)

That day, after Lenora told me what had happened before school, I went straight to my room and started planning a way to get the preacher creep away from her. I decided that maybe the best way would be to put him off, so I grabbed a book from my shelf, "The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood" and flicked through the pages until I saw the first mention of "Robin". I thought it would have a little flair to it then, a whole other layer to the torment.

I carefully ripped the page from the book, silently apologising to it for desecrating it, but I assured myself it was for a good cause. I picked up my fountain pen and scrawled "Eliza" haphazardly over the page, covering every word that wasn't "Robin". When the page was beyond recognisable, I stepped back to admire my handiwork. It was truly haunting, even to myself. It struck me that I had just done that. It looked like the work of some disturbed person or perhaps the work of a demonic entity.

I felt myself panicking, unable to breathe as my chest tightened. I flung open every window in my room in an effort to get some air into my lungs, but it was pointless. I saw black spots in my vision and light-headedness wreaked havoc with my senses, to the point where I collapsed and slumped down my wall, still gasping for air. I surrendered to the feeling, my gaze on the door, which was now ajar; I heard my aunt's voice call my name before rushing in and kneeling by my side.

"Hey, you're okay, you're safe Y/N. Just keep breathing." She hesitantly moved closer, waiting for my permission or rejection but I simply nodded and she huddled next to me and stroked my hair, calming me. "Just keep breathing. Do you want me to do anything?" As she talked, I felt the looming sense of danger dissipate and the air return to my lungs.

I shook my head, and felt hot tears fall down my cheeks as I continued to slow my breathing. She looked at my face, noting my appearance as she brushed the tears from my face. I attempted to get a sentence out, to thank her but it was fragmented from the loud inhales of cool air. Her eyes softened further as she racked her gaze over me. "Poor girl, you're okay." She moved her hand from my hair as she stood up and offered me her hand. We both sat on my bed, her adjacent to me as she waited for me to be ready.

"Now, would you like to tell me what's wrong?" The way she asked sounded like it was actually on my terms rather than like a teacher would if you were caught crying, where you really had no option but to divulge.

"I don't know, I just don't recognise myself anymore."

"Oh honey, you've been through so much this past year, it's no wonder that you've not been able to stop and look in the mirror to see the changes." She gripped my hand softly and comfortingly, she was naturally intuitive to emotion, which is probably why she is an amazing mother. "You are so strong, you know that?"

"Thank you." I whispered.

"You're just like your parents. You have your mom's confidence and your dad's strong-headedness. Believe me, it's hereditary." She chuckled, nudging my arm while I smiled. "I can only imagine what Y/D/N would think of how you've turned out. He would be so proud of you."

"Do you think so?" My eyes threatened to spill tears as I bore into my aunt's eyes, searching for the truth in her words. I could tell she was being honest.

"Of course! I think even your grandma would approve of the young lady you are now." I thought of the grandmother I'd never met, my fathers' mother. From what I'd heard from family and my maternal grandparents, she was a stubborn, prim and proper woman who was far too honest, even when the occasion did not call for it. She passed away before I was born, but I had always wondered what she would be like towards me... another one of my life's mysteries

"Don't get my hopes up." I retorted jokingly. "Thanks Auntie." I smiled kindly at the woman.

"Any time Y/N." She ruffled my hair cheekily as she got up from my bed. "Dinner will be ready in half an hour."

"Thanks."

(Time skip brought to you by something I can't really explain, it's a feeling that you can't control)

As usual, I completed my day with my nightly ritual of meeting up with Arvin in the woods. I clambered down the stairs after tripping over one of Annette's toys. I grabbed the torch from my car on the way out and walked through the field, keeping to the edges for safety.

I continued down the ridge to our area, my torch reaching their usual targets; the tall oak tree, roots that swirled on the ground like a snake and the large broken branch that was fractured from its home. Those markers deepened the sense of comfort; washing over me like warm water. Eventually, I saw the familiar faint orange glow of a cigarette, accompanied by the brunette boy whose lips were encasing the smoke. I hopped down the ledge and onto the ground, alerting him to my presence as his gaze tracked up my body to my face, "Hi there."

"Hello Arvin." As I walked closer, the smell of smoke encompassed my senses but it dissipated as the light was stubbed against the bark-coated log. "You don't have to put it out. I don't mind the smell anymore." I sat beside him rigidly, refusing to collide with him.

He looked at me and his smile softened further as the blare of my torch shone on his rose dusted cheeks. He smiled like it was him that I was beginning to tolerate instead of the smoke smell, which was true because he wasn't himself without it.

"Y/N..." He began but he looked put off when I turned to face him but his expression softened regardless, "it doesn't matter."

(No POV)

He gazed into Y/N's eyes, trying to read her as he had done before but he was distracted by her cute blush or the way her eyelashes fluttered when she blinked. Arvin didn't know what he felt for Y/N, but it was something he had not felt before. Arvin Russell was in love.

(A/N: Thank you for the amount of reads this book has gotten! Thank you readers!)