Nevertheless - A Jenlisa Story

Chapter 6

After that day Lisa was very careful not to be alone with Jennie anymore and, even when they were all at home, she tried to limit her interactions with her to the bare minimum.
She knew that if she wanted to follow Rosè's advice she had to live the situation in a quieter way but she thought that consciously putting herself in certain situations would make her risk doing things she would regret.
By now Jennie's presence alone troubled her and she could not risk doing something thoughtless.
She was basically doing the exact opposite of what Rosé had told her.

When she told me not to think and let me go she didn't know what she was saying otherwise she would know how high the stakes were.

Lisa therefore tried to ignore Jennie as much as possible.
She had even broken the tradition of snuggling on the couch and watching TV all together.

"You don't want to watch the show with us tonight either? This episode is the turning point."
Rosé's tone was increasingly displeased as she took her place on the couch next to Jisoo.

Lisa, for her part, repeated the same answer over and over, "I'd rather go to my room and read", not caring about the look filled with sadness that Jennie gave her each time.

Lisa thought that ignoring Jennie and keeping her distance would be the best solution for everyone and maybe it would make her stop wanting more from the brunette.

The days passed by so quickly enough.
However, Lisa knew that with the fan event scheduled for the next day, she couldn't avoid interacting with Jennie not to mention that, in the evening, YG had thrown a party in their honor to celebrate their anniversary as Idols.
Lisa knew she wouldn't have a chance, but she also knew she'd run for as long as she could.

"We could make party favors to hand out to the Blinks."

They were all in the kitchen deciding what gift they would give to the fans during the meeting.

"Favors with confetti? It's not a wedding."

"No but in a way we have a relationship with the Blinks and this could seal it."

"Sometimes I forget about your romance Chaeng. I was thinking more along the lines of a bracelet we made."

"Oh and wouldn't that be romantic, unnie?"

"Not like a wedding favor! A bracelet is more friendly."

Jisoo and Rosé were having an active part in the conversation.
Lisa was listening to them intently when her gaze shifted to Jennie who was strangely sitting quietly listening without intervening.

"I like the idea of the bracelet. Nice and less work for them."

Lisa had endorsed Jisoo's idea expecting Jennie to speak her mind shortly but the brunette continued to say nothing.

"Jennie?" urged her Jisoo.

"Uh? Yeah that sounds like a good idea, we could start making them now so they'll be ready by tomorrow."

Jennie gave Jisoo a smile and the older girl reciprocated with an even wider one.

"Perfect then the majority has decided! Let's get right to work we need to make at least 200."

Jisoo then handed out to the other three the colored threads she had presciently already bought and gave directions on how to weave the bracelets.

Lisa placed herself on the kitchen table being careful not to be too close to Jennie who had placed herself at the head of the table.

Everything was proceeding in a calm and familiar atmosphere between chats and stories.

They had reached a good amount of bracelets made each when Rosè started humming a song so familiar that it took a short time before the others started to sing it too.

The Rapunzel song had always been a favorite of theirs and soon they were singing along and harmonizing the verses and chorus emphasizing the words in a playful way.

Eventually they all burst out laughing and Lisa couldn't help but turn as she has done countless other times to Jennie's sweet, amused smile as she continued to sing.

As soon as Jennie returned her gaze by giving her a chewy smile, Lisa felt the warmth come from her cheeks to her neck and felt her heart increase in beats.
Had it been a long time since she'd seen her smile like that, or was she the one who had been trying so hard not to notice?
She was pretty sure that her face had suddenly blushed and, unable to let anyone notice, with an excuse she got up from her stool and said she wanted to go finish her work in her room.

"You guys are too noisy I can't concentrate."

"We noisy?! You were singing too!" protested Rosé followed by a snorting Jisoo.

"Lisaya we are making bracelets for Blinks not an open heart surgery. How long have you been so boring?"

Lisa didn't mind the other girls words, she grabbed her colored wires and closed the door to the room trying to put a barrier between her and what she was trying so hard not to feel.

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Midnight had passed a while ago and Lisa knew that if she didn't fall asleep soon she would look horrible the next day but every time she tried to close her eyes Jennie's smile materialized in front of her: that chewy, sweet smile that would be able to melt her on the spot.
Lisa thought back to all the times Jennie had given her that smile.
Jennie's way of smiling by squeezing her eyes into two tiny slits was so tender and engaging.

They had exchanged so many over the years that it was impossible to remember them all but the feelings this smile gave her had never changed.
It made her feel warm, it made her feel loved.

Loved.

Lisa was about to punch herself in the forehead to get this impossible thought out of her head when she heard a knock on her door.

Seeing no one come in and not wanting to talk to avoid waking up the others, she got up to go and see: there was no one at the door.
She was about to go back to her room when her attention was caught by a folded piece of paper on the floor.
She tried to stretch her neck looking for some trace of the person who might have left it for her and, finding nothing, she picked it up and went back to her room.

" Lisa,
I saw that you still had the light on and I would have loved to come and talk to you in person but I was afraid you wouldn't let me.
In the last week we have spent very little time together, almost nothing, and I understand that we have been very busy with our projects but I have the impression that you are avoiding me. Am I wrong?
It seems to me that you are finding any excuse to keep me away and this thing... this thing makes me feel bad.
I've been thinking a lot these days about what could be the reason for your not talking to me anymore...but I can't find it.
I apologize if I did anything to offend you and I assure you that if I did my intention was definitely not to hurt you.

I miss you...I miss talking to you, I miss being with you and the idea that I hurt you makes me feel even worse.

Your smiles and looks have always been the sunshine of my days and now that I don't have them anymore I feel...off.
Please tell me there is something I can do to make it right...I am willing to do anything as long as you are with me.
I hope you know how much I care about you...never question it.
Look at me, Lili...talk to me and you'll see that we'll get through this.

Yours, Nini"

Lisa sat on the bed and felt her heart pounding in her ears. A twinge was piercing her chest.

How could she think Jennie wouldn't notice?

How could she think her behavior wouldn't have any consequences?

I'm an idiot.