Chapter 36

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Lisa moved slowly in bed without opening her eyes, she felt her eyelids were heavy from the little sleep that night. She tried to reach out an arm blindly in search of the presence of Jennie's body lying beside her but what she found was only the tactile sensation of the fabric of the empty blankets.

She felt the heaviness she had felt the night before return to her heart as she tried to comfort a desperate Jennie. She had never seen her like this. She wanted to ask her why she was in pain, if she could do anything... she would have done anything. If she could, she would have physically wrung out all the suffering that was tearing her apart with her own hands and taken it on without a second thought. But she couldn't. She could only stand beside her, drying her tears with fingers as light as little kisses.

The feeling of helplessness from the night before returned overpoweringly to her stomach and she felt her eyelids moisten at the memory of Jennie's sobs and broken voice as she shrank back and gripped her wrists tightly, as if afraid she might leave. Lisa in response had hugged her tightly, noting how tiny and helpless she was at that moment, under the illusion that such a gesture might defend her from the reasons for her distress. Or at least lighten her. She held her closer until she felt her breathing calm down and even afterwards, watching over her sleep to prevent anyone else from getting close and hurting her. Lisa really hoped this would work.

She did not, nevertheless, expect to wake up alone.

Jennie had no plans that morning, or at least Lisa didn't remember them, so when she surrendered to her own sleep that night she was sure she would find her still there a few hours later. She moved her arm to the empty side next to her again, the bed had suddenly become too cold and big. She opened her eyes to check her mobile phone.

Jen-Nini

I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to wake you... I'm sorry about yesterday

I'm sorry for everything

Lisa wanted to ask her if she could join her wherever she was. She didn't have to explain to her what had happened, it would be enough for her to stand by her side in silence as they walked or did whatever the brunette wanted, however, she also knew that Jennie just wanted to be alone at that moment.

She typed simple words, leaving the turmoil stirring only in her heart.

I'm here always

love you

She pressed send and lay back on the bed looking at the ceiling, letting the silence envelop her.

"Lis, are you awake?"

Rosé entered the room and, noticing that Lisa was indeed awake, threw herself onto the bed beside her.

"Can you be less loud please? I just woke up," Lisa huffed, rubbing her eyes.

"Are we alone this morning? Jisoo's out and... where's Jennie?" she looked around suddenly unsure that she had made an unwanted inroad into the room shared by the two girls.

"If she was here you would have crushed her by now," Lisa rolled her eyes. "She's out." she merely replied, omitting, of course, everything else.

"Then we are alone!" smiled Rosé. "I wanted to talk to you about something... I wanted to ask you some kind of favour."

Lisa turned to look at her for the first time since she entered the room: she had been lying on her stomach beside her and was now drawing transparent circles on the pillow, hinting at some nervousness.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing... it's just that, you know, yesterday between live and various things I didn't get to talk to Bonny about my songs..." she paused "and I was wondering if, by any chance, maybe, you could..." she interjected still hesitant. "...if, you know, you wanted to call Bonny and take me to him so we could finally talk about it."

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