Agony • Concealed Memories | | Thranduil

08 • The King's Conflict

Tranduil's gaze was fixed tightly ahead. His dark eyebrows stood in a deep frown above his bright eyes. His arms rocked gently to the rhythm of his steps, but his fists were clenched.

Soft tumbles of rapidly approaching footsteps sounded behind him. Elithien called out his name, but he ignored her. Emotions swirled through his body: Anger, disappointment, relief, there was no end to the list. The emotions fought each other like he had just battled, and that battle made him even more envious. If he could just determine what he felt, then he could express it, then he could get angry with his wife, then he could hug her, then he could tell her what he thought.

A hand grabbed his arm and turned him around. 'My love.' Her soft voice sang through his head. 'Talk to me...'

That was so easy to say. What was he supposed to say? Was he supposed to say how worried he was when he saw her on the troll's neck? Was he supposed to say how angry he was at her recklessness? Or how distraught he was at the knowledge that she had left Legolas behind for thís?

She squeezed his arm when he didn't respond.

'How could you be so reckless?' he asked sharply, 'You could have been hurt, both of us, and then our son would have been made an orphan. Our kingdom would have to go on without a king and queen until our son was old enough. Our people would be vulnerable and live in fear. Why risk it?'

Images of a possible future flashed through his mind, in which he held his wife's lifeless body in his arms, pressing her close to him as he wished he could have prevented it.

'If it weren't for me, you'd be squashed under that troll's mace right now,' she said, chuckling. She tried to touch his face, but Thranduil turned his head away from her hand. 'Then did you not hear anything of what I just said?'

Her gaze turned sharp. 'Have you forgotten who I was, my king? Have you forgotten where my heart used to be? I was not made to sit still on a throne and nod 'yes' to everything my husband decides. You can't expect me to stay behind these walls forever. I crave adventure, freedom, the fresh wind through my hair. Everything I used to have and used to be, the woman you fell in love with, I left all that behind for our little one and with all love on Arda, but I miss it.'

A short silence fell.

Elithien bowed her head. 'I miss travelling. The babbling brooks, the coolness of the mountains, the heat of the steppes, the smell of my unwashed horse after days of walking. I love my life now, I love you, my son, my subjects and the kingdom, but I hope to travel again one day.' She looked up at her husband with shining eyes. 'Or am I being selfish to speak out such a wish?'

Thranduil looked at her for a long moment. He swallowed wearily when he saw the saddened look in her eyes. He knew she was right. Once she had been a great warrior. His queen loved traveling and meeting other creatures, humans and elves. Since Elithien had become pregnant with Legolas, she had not taken a step outside the forest. Every night she gazed up at the stars and he knew she was thinking about the world she had once explored.

Thranduil pulled her into an embrace. Her slender arms closed around him.

'Yes, that is selfish, but it is also selfish of me to keep you inside, when your heart is outside. If you want to travel, I won't stop you.'

She raised her head and looked at him gratefully. 'Thank you, my dear, but it wás selfish of me. As much as I would like to travel, I am needed here. My son needs me. He is more important to me than anything else. When he is ready, I will show him the world, my dear. And he will love it.'

Thranduil smiled and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. 'He is a son of yours, of course he will love it.'

Elithien smiled. Thranduil stretched his ears when footsteps sounded behind them.

Maethil came running with the little Legolas in her arms. With wide eyes she remained standing and a smile appeared on her face. 'My lord, my lady, you have returned,' she spoke cheerfully. She handed Legolas over to his mother and bowed.

'My queen, your heart is like that of a lion. Your reunion brings me joy.' The girl straightened up again.

Elithien looked at her gratefully and glanced at her little son. 'Thank you for looking after our son.'

The girl bowed again and turned, then descended down the stairs.

Elithien rocked back and forth a bit and looked back at Thranduil, smiling. 'See, you were worrying about nothing. As always.'

A soft chuckle escaped from Thranduil's throat and he put his arm around her shoulders. 'Do I not have the right to worry about my first born?'

Elithien shrugged and began to walk slowly toward the sleeping quarters. 'Maybe a little,' she admitted smiling.

Thranduil knew it. The moment she had left the kingdom to pursue her husband into the forest, all her thoughts had been with Legolas. There had not been a moment when she had not thought of her son and she had wanted to return several times. But something called her to the fight, not so much a voice that beckoned her, but a desire. The desire for adventure. She believed that if she took this chance, this one last chance, that she could then move on with a sense of closure. Just this one time. After that, her undivided attention would be focused on raising the little prince.