A little too late (A Pete angst Story)

Chapter 12

TW: Suicide

Wynter POV

My hands start slightly shaking as I read the letter I wrote my mom.

Dear Mom,

Mama, I hope you know that I love you and that I tried my best. Your daughter was not strong enough. I suffered from depression and anxiety which you knew about and you did everything you could to help fix me...I was just too broken. Remember when I told you I was in love with Pete when I was really little and you told me to wait a few years to see if that changed. I did and that never changed unfortunately. I saw the hurt when I would mention him rejecting me for Valentine's day again. I saw the pain when I would study with Danny and try to focus on other things. I heard the conversations you had with our family about how I was torturing myself and I heard you cry for not being able to change me. I want you to know that I don't want to be a burden anymore and I did not leave because I felt you didn't love me. I knew that you loved me with all you had. I also did not leave because of Pete. I never was good at making friends or keeping in contact with people. I always was the loner and that was very hard for me because all I ever wanted was to make people happy and be happy with them but for every person I brought happiness I was not able to fill the void I had in me and that was extremely lonely. Maybe I will reincarnate into a future friend or the kid of one of your friends. Maybe I will even come back as a pet but I will visit often and watch over you. I left with my close friends being happy and I want you to be happy as well. My bank information is in this letter so you can take everything I have saved and explore the world like you always wanted. Date again, you deserve to be happy and sometimes that means with someone. I love you to the moon and stars and through the entire universe. I will visit soon mama. 

I was ugly crying at this point and barely able to see my phone screen but I was able to set scheduled text messages to all my friends telling them that I love them and to have a great day. The message will send tomorrow morning so it will at least be a day or so before someone tries to come looking for me. I hope someone sends the police for a wellness check so it is a stranger who finds me and not someone I care about. I strip down to shorts and a tank top and run a bath with cold water. I go to get a few buckets of ice to dump in it and then I will add the stingray. It should kind of shock my system or at least numb it long enough for me to not feel all the pain of being stung. I finish running the bath and dump the ice in it before slowly getting in it. It is definitely freaking cold and kind of hard to think now. I open the mini tank and dump the stingray in the water, I set the tank down and close my eyes waiting for the end. I remember all of Pete and I's playdates. I remember all the fun mother-daughter dates we had. I remember all the cool hangouts with the husbands and getting to know them. I see a memory of us all heading to the beach, playing volleyball, and swimming. We never did this though, the sun is so warm and everything feels so peaceful. The ocean waves are calming and for once I feel genuine happiness. I feel love and energy and this is the best memory that I can provide my loved ones with. I hope they can dream of this as well because this is amazing.

A/N: You are important and you belong here. If you or anyone you know is feeling suicidal please be there for them when you can but call the suicide hotline at 988 or text GO to 741741 to speak with a crisis counselor through their hotline. Try to make a safety plan which you can google one and fill it out with them and also make a comfort box which if you google comfort box for kids with anxiety there should be instructions pop up but the comfort box can be helpful with depression as well. Life is hard so take things one hour at a time. I love and care about all of you whether I know you or not and I am glad that you are still here.