Thin Walls

Chapter 23

"How's your roommate search going?" I asked Emma, who was sitting next to me on the couch. My living room was completely finished now, but upstairs was still a chaos of boxes that I wanted to get rid of as soon as possible.

Well, it had only been a week and a half since all my stuff had fully arrived, so I couldn't complain. Everything else was going pretty smooth.

"Roommate search?" Emma was staring at the end credits on the screen, but I could see her quirk an eyebrow. She put her hand on my thigh and played with the hem of my nightgown.

"I thought you were looking for someone, now that I live here."

Emma turned to me and shook her head. "No, that was something you suggested. I never said I'd do it. I don't even have a spare bedroom, did you really think I'm just going to let some stranger sleep in my bed, permanently?"

"Could be," I replied, but I hadn't really thought it through. Some part of me had just assumed Emma was looking for someone to fill my place, but I'd been wrong. Thankfully. "That evening.. why were you so angry? I mean.. before I was a complete dick and responded like an idiot to what you had to say."

She shrugged and placed her lips against my cheek. "I was scared," she muttered and moved her lips to my jawline, probably trying to distract me from the conversation, but it was just getting interesting. Her fingers slipped underneath my gown and she left gently kisses down my neck.

"Scared of what?" I asked, trying to ignore Emma's soft touches.

"Do you want to watch another episode?" she asked, as she averted her eyes back to the screen. It was already counting down the seconds to the next episode and Emma pressed okay.

"Scared of what?" I repeated and moved her hand away from my thigh, because I was getting way too distracted and I really wanted to know what I'd done wrong. It'd been going through my mind for a few days now, because I'd seen Emma had been upset that evening, I just hadn't known the reason.

"You were and still are finding yourself, you know? After your divorce. Becoming a new you. I think that's amazing and I highly respect you for it. I was just.. afraid I wouldn't be a part of this new you, I guess," she said, softly, and flicked her eyes back to me.

I couldn't quite believe she'd been afraid of that and I felt like it was my fault, because clearly I hadn't made it clear just how much she meant to me. Because she did mean a lot to me. More than a lot. I couldn't imagine living without her.

"I thought you knew how I feel about you," I said and she shrugged.

"Honestly, I don't really know how you feel about me, Regina. Not after that night," she said. "I always knew you didn't.. love me the way I do you, but I think I'd expected a kinder reaction."

I felt my heart clench again, though I didn't know what it meant. Clearly, I couldn't very well handle people saying "I love you" and meaning it, but I forced myself to respond well. After all, I did feel the same way, I just didn't know how to express it.

In the three years of marriage with Robin, I'd never really told him I loved him. He had told me, but I'd never been able to get it over my lips and say it back. He'd told me once he was very upset about that, but there was nothing I could do to get myself to say it.

"I'm not very good at handling people telling me they love me," I whispered, "but I do know I'm.. feeling it as well. I have been for quite a while. I'm just not very good at saying it."

A slight smile appeared on her lips and I kissed her. Emma's hand slipped back underneath my nightgown and started caressing my thigh.

"Emma, I don't want you to think I'll ever cut you out of my life. You're the whole reason I realized I hadn't been happy for quite some time with Robin. I owe you so much and I care about you even more," I said, softly.