Slowburn

Chapter 86

         Renzo held me by the arms and searched my face to see what I was thinking. I was doing the same to him, but he's much better at hiding his thoughts from me. His handsome face only knows one expression and it's anger. Other than that I can never read him. 

"If you're flip flopping already on the idea of us being exclusive then I know in no time you'll end up feeling how you did when you sent that voicemail. Why should I set myself up for heartbreak?" I asked him and he had to look away. 

"I thought we were compromising, Kat?" His voice felt so distant to me. "We were...before you ran off and freaked out. Do you want me to just put my faith in you now that A) you don't feel like you can't do this with me, and B) that you didn't already do something with someone else?"

"Yes, I need you to have a little faith I guess, because I don't know what the fuck else I can say or do about it" he shrugged, but in frustration not mockery. 

        "Come look me in the face and tell me 'I only want you' and I will believe it" I challenged him. Renzo rolled his jaw and rounded his shoulders. "This is ridiculous" he turned away from me. 

"See, because I can do it. I can look you in the face and say with conviction that I only want you, Renzo. This...this isn't an even playing field, and you're already showing me signs of retreat. I don't know how you don't see how messed up all of that was for me. You don't get to just come back from New York and decide you'll scrap the past four days and all your actions throughout them" I stood up for myself. 

I was trembling but empowered. I'm not sure where this was coming from, but I think something in me changed when I found myself alone and afraid when I thought I was pregnant. I only have myself most days and I let people treat me quite poorly. I should be my own ally.

        Renzo started getting very strange and fidgety. It's hard to explain but I've never seen him this way before. I couldn't even begin to try to tie any kind of emotion to it. An internal battle maybe? The man seemed to be crawling in his own skin. He'd turn to me, turn away, he'd huff, he would crank his neck in aggravation, and he would open and shut his mouth more than once.

This office has never felt smaller. Renzo shoved at his sleeves and stepped forward, regaining my attention. "You use too many words, Kat. I am a man of actions" he practically said it as an announcement. "No, you kiss me to distract me. That won't work this time" I shook my head no.

 "So you want words" he huffed, but mostly muttered that to himself.

        "Even when I was thinking about how I can't do this I had clearly been sitting there in the club thinking about you. Did you think of it that way?! No. And I know I didn't do shit with any women because there would have been lingering evidence that I can assure you was not there when I woke up in the morning. So stop telling me what I did or didn't do and give me some room for trial and error here Kat. Yes, this freaks me the fuck out. I've never consecutively just slept with ONE person. I have thoughts about that. I'm allowed to question things!! Alright" he whirled around and ranted to me before stomping to the door and walking out. 

I was baffled. I stood in the middle of the room unsure what just happened and why it ended so abruptly. I stared at the shut door for a few seconds before finally shaking off my stupor and turning away. What else could I do but walk back to my desk? 

        Suddenly the room filled with sound again, which meant the door was opening. I glanced back only to find the same man who had just stomped out, come stomping back in. I opened my mouth to say something. I don't even know what, but he yanked me to him, and I was so thrown I said nothing at all.