This story is inspired by Enhypen members :)
Battling with life problems knowing that you have someone to rely on is quiet handily but what if you need to withstand all the tough times alone because it's the only choice you have ? Exactly the situat...
Two days after that night my mom and her friends planned a trip to South Korea.
I don't know if I'm totally fine. Neither I am or not , all I'm certain of is that at this moment I'm catching a worthy scenery, calmly enjoying the perfect view of Jeju Island.
How I wish my life would be always like this.
I closed my eyes to feel the moment. It's been a while since I got to feel this way,the agressive wind damping on my skin feels so good . I opened my eyes and wandered them around, The scenery gives me hope and calmness. I could clearly say that my heart felt better , the little ease build on my mind . I love it here, I wanna visit here whenever this heart of mine gets painful.
Just o feel a little better . Just to feel alive again.
Kung ang ibang kabataan sa edad ko ay sumasakit ang dibdib dahil sa pagkabigo sa pag ibig , ako naman ay mas malalang kirot ang kasukukuyang iniinda dahil totoong sakit ng puso ang nararamdaman ko . Sakit na hindi madadala ng konswelo ng isang kaibigan at ng pag iyak ng magdamagan.
As the time continue to pass, the pleasing color of the sky began to take over the place leaving me in awe . The mesmerizing beauty of the sunset infront of us gives another encouragement and strength.
More than adoring I cannot explain how I'm emotionally attached to the view of a setting sun.
It is truly impossible to watch a sunset and not dream.
Should I ask for it once again ? I don't know if I'm the only one who has the idea of making a wish in a setting sun . I know it's a weird thing but I guess it is totally fine .
At that moment I only ask for one thing.
I took my diary and began writing everything , from the morning until that moment.
Makaluma man pero hilig ko parin talaga ang pagsulat sa diary . Kung may makakakita saakin nito alam kong iisiping outdated ako, na hindi na uso ang ganoong bagay . Ngunit lipas man ito dahil sa modernisasyon ay hindi maikakaila na maganda itong alternatibo sa mga taong walang kaibigan na mapagkukwentuhan at sa mga taong hindi nahilig sa social media.
Happened that I'm used to this, writing my story instead of telling it to someone , this notebook fills the absence of a friend.
At the middle page I wrote what I dreamed and my wish as I watched the admirable sunset.
Tanging papel lamang ang may alam na mahina ako , na mahina ang puso ko.
Hindi ko gugustohing malaman ni mama ,hindi ko gugustohing maging emosyonal ang bawat araw para sa aming dalawa . Kaya kong sarilihin ang sakit at takot na baka balang araw bigla nalang akong mawala kaysa makita syang masaktan araw araw sa pag aalala.
***
I can see my mom approaching , so I hurriedly put my diary back to my bag. It's something that she don't need to see. I run to her and hugged her, knowing too well that she'll warm my worried heart.
" Do you like it here ? " She asked with a sweet smile carved on her pretty face. I just smiled back and nodded as a response.
" Let's go for now , your aunts are waiting. We'll go back to the hotel " she said and held my hand.
I took a small step backward and smiled at her again , reaching for her hand.
" Thank you mom " , I uttered from the sudden feeling of being grateful.
" Suddenly ? " giggles made while asking.
" Thank you for bringing me here. I really love this place since then " I genuinely confessed thinking how much of a comfort this place had given me.
" I know, that's why I'll never get tired of accompanying you here . I promised to bring you here every year . Just don't grow up so fast and get marry " she jokes. I just literally knew that the smile on my face faded . I remembered everything. The uncertainty of the things to me.
" Until when do I can go here ? " I responded with a low and disappointed voice. Knowing my condition , I felt this sadness again. Hindi na ako sigurado sa mga bagay bagay dahil hindi na ako yung dating Jaiyanna na alam mo ma . I am no longer capable of those things .
" Until you're old and I'm gone" she replied while sighing. Face at ease , no signs of worrisome.
I couldn't say a word. All I feel right now is sadness and doubt. I hugged her once again , holding her tighter this time.
'I don't think I have much time left mom ' at the back of mind I concluded .
Nonetheless, I still hang in the little chances . I can't give up on myself just like that.
" I promised to go here with you until you get old mom. I promised you that. I love you so much " I can feel my voice cracking a bit while saying those. I love her so much that it hurts.
" I love you too my big baby. I can't believe you grow up as a fierce woman yet the sweetest and the softest to me . Look at you clinging to me like my five year old Yanna" she replied with her sweet voice.
" Sandali, ba't ba tayo ingles ng ingles dito ? Anak ko kasi ,kanina mo pa ako ine ingles jan . Nakalimutan ko tuloy okay lang din mag usap tayo ng tagalog dito . Tara na nga, bilisan na natin , kanina pa naghihintay mga tita mo oh " Usal nya at pangusong itinuro na ang direksyon kung saan naghihintay mga kaibigan nya.Inakay nya lamang ako papunta sa pwesto ng mga ito.
' Sana nga ma , sana masamahan pa kita ng paulit ulit dito. '
'Still, believe in a miracle that God can do' I talk to myself, I still have this hope that I can surpass this and live longer with her .
Hindi lahat pwedeng negatibo ang kahihinatnan . Itinigil ko na ang pag iisip pa ng mga bagay na iyon . Hindi ako sumama sa bakasyong ito para magmokmok. Matagal ko tong hinintay at inasam , ang mag pahinga muna sa problema , kahit sandali gusto ko makalimot , gusto ko takasan ang dagok nang buhay , kahit madali .
Hindi man nito lubusang napawi ang pait ng kapalaran ko , pansamantala naman nitong naibigay ang gusto ko , ang maginhawahan ang puso at isip ko . Saglit man ngunit , may pag asang naidulot.
Kaya salamat..
Salamat sa tanawin , salamat sa hangin , salamat sa yakap , salamat sa ngiti kahit papano may kaginhawahan akong nadama ngayon.
Thank you for the fleeting comfort.
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