𝐵𝑇𝑆 𝑆𝑖𝑐𝑘𝑓𝑖𝑐𝑠 / REQUESTS OPEN

Jimin - Schizophrenia 🧷

Requested by: GabyMontoya515

Sickie: Jimin
Caregiver: Taehyung, Yoongi

⚠️ Massive trigger warning!! self harm, hallucinations, blood, suicidal thoughts
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2021/07/01

The day Jimin got his diagnosis.
You may think,
,,Oh I hope he's not alone with it."
But he was.
Oh man, he was so alone.
2021 had been a tough year already, so many things happening. Covid was still there, no concerts, no world tour, no album, but still.. so much work.
But the time Jimin got his diagnosis was even tougher.
The members knew that something was wrong with Jimin. He didn't talk much and if he did, he often seemed extremely uncomfortable.
The singer found it increasingly difficult to maintain a conversation for a long time, to be with many people for a long time. Or simply to cope with everyday life.
Everyone noticed that he wasn't feeling like himself. Almost everyone around Jimin had noticed, that the singer had changed over the course of the pandemic.
The elders of the group had convinced him to see a doctor and investigate his behavior... and Jimin did. But what he was told wasn't quite what he had expected. It had been a few weeks, with weekly meetings with the psychologist, before he was diagnosed with schizophrenia.

Was he crazy?
Where did this come from so suddenly?
Or has it always been there?
Many questions, but few answers. He didn't answer his members either, didn't even tell them why he left the dorm every Thursday at 5 p.m. Was it better that way? Or should he tell them?
The voice in his head didn't give him an answer.. it only spoke when Jimin didn't need it.

Initially, Jimin's symptoms were limited.  He heard things that weren't there, was afraid of crowds, and couldn't manage everything in everyday life. It was hard, but manageable. He wouldn't need any medication, his doctor had said.
But things got worse.
Added to this were hallucinations, sudden blood stains on walls, scary animals and monsters in the house, his members.. how they laughed at him.. himself.
It got worse and Jimin didn't know what to do. ,You need medication now', his doctor had said.. but still.. he was alone, all alone with himself and the voice in his head..

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Jimin pov
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2021/09/22
I woke up to the horrible sound of Hoseok's alarm. The sound was still ringing in my ears, long after Hoseok had turned it off and left the room to get ready. I sighed and rolled onto my right side to look out the window. I was startled when I didn't see the usual yellow light of the sun, but a blood-smeared window. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping it would go away.. but it was still there when I opened my eyes again.
I got up slowly, my body not quite awake yet, and padded around the bed to open the window.
My fingers trailed over the red-splattered windowsill and when I lifted them I saw and felt the thick consistence of clotted blood.
"Jimin? What are you doing?" I heard a voice say behind me. "Hyung, I think we have to clean the windows again." I said monoton and turned around to face my roommate. The rapper gave me a confused look, but then laughed.
"That was a good one, Jimin! You do know that they were only cleaned last week, right?" Laughing, he took a pink sweater and wide black, pink jeans from His closet. "Oh." I rubbed my fingers together, watching the blood drain from color. "Come on get ready." Hoseok said and threw one of my blue and white sweaters towards me, signalizing that I should put it on.

..

It took longer than expected, to get ready. Somehow the blood just wouldn't come off my fingers. But it wasn't until I was in the shower that I realized that it probably wasn't real blood.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked loudly.. although the voice in my head heard everything that was going on inside me without words.