Art Book 3 (Cringy-er Than Ever)

Hey, I'm Back

... Uh, heyyo.

Been quite a while, huh?

How do I even begin to justify my radio silence, am I right?

Whelp. Can't say that I can. Not to say that I wasn't going through some stuff that would've prevented me from posting or being active on social media.

Let's see, where the hell do I even start?

I was really anxious and depressed for a while. As in, I could barely get out of bed, couldn't sleep AND overslept (somehow I figured out a way to do that, because I'm that f**king amazing I guess), I would get irritable at the littlest things, then go through the fastest swing of moods that would put Sonic's speed to shame. Plus my hormones were as unpredictable as s**t and played a huge part in making me feel as bad and awful as I did. (Not to mention there's a family history of the fun HOrMonEs making family literally want to die. :).)

I felt like I had no control and the thing I dreaded the most was trying to do anything creative. I wanted to literally shred all my sketchbooks. Up until that point my whole identity depended on being artistic, but I felt such an inferiority and imposter feeling from being rejected by Sheridan again (somehow with barely a better score last year even through I drastically improved. I even submitted the same hand drawing for one of the assignments and it scored lower than the year prior! So that ticked me off, plus if they didn't harshly mark that one piece I literally would have gotten in, or at least waitlisted.).

I basically felt useless and nothing was in my control anymore. I would be paranoid that I had no other uses or talents and that I was a purposeless blob just wasting air.

A few other things happened that I won't get into at that point, but yeah.

You get the gist. Dumb art child has existential crisis. Writing it out makes it really sound like I was going through a minor psychotic break or something. I hope I'm not coming off as "poor me", "feel bad for me", I'm not.

I eventually got put on some medication to help with my anxiety, hormones and sleep, although it took a bit to adjust to.

The only thing that was really keeping me going was an original project I was working on. I tried to make it a long term project so that I can keep myself going and have something to commit to.

By the time I was able to partially collect myself as a human being, it was time to prepare for my second choice of college. It took a lot of stress and planning to be able to set up all that fun s**t that nobody wants to hear about.

Animation program. My dream, right? Some teachers were amazing, and then of course I have a professor who started the first day with fear mongering and kinda insulted my speech in front of the class and make me self conscious about my speech (I took speech therapy for years when I was a kid and had a speech impediment).

Had to awkwardly navigate my way around a dude in my class who has literal sexual harassment charges against him (that he himself told us about on day one), a creepy guy who hits on all the girls and failed a year who hit on me and I had to make sure they backed off. A fistfight almost broke out a one point with some other people. A lot of class drama and crap went on as well.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention I caught COVID in the middle of all that. I had a jaw surgery, of which then got infected.

For some reason in the middle of the first semester I got super depressed all over again (I then channeled my artist spite against God himself and grinded from late at night until early in the morning, as in, the last few days I was working until 3am and waking up at 6am) but I got my shit together and got good grades.