Prisoner

9

Nothing wakes you up like waking up alone. I can't find a reason to get out of bed the next morning. I just turn around and face the wall. Stare. Sleep.

Zayn wakes me up with breakfast. I ignore it. Stare. Sleep.
"Come on Tomlinson. It's time for work!" Zayn says an hour later.

I don't move. I don't answer. Just stare. Sleep.

They won't leave me alone. Niall arrives with lunch. I don't even turn around. Just stare into the wall. He tries to talk to me. Ask me questions. I ignore him. Just leave me alone. I hear him talk with Zayn quietly.
"Get Harry."

No. Why can't they just let me be?

Harry arrives shortly thereafter. I ignore him too.
"Louis?"

I don't move a muscle.
"Louis, please look at me."

I stay still. Just go away. My life is over.
"I'm going to put a hand on your shoulder."

Warmth. I don't move. He sighs.
"Don't do this, Louis. Come on, just look at me, please."

I guess it's the pleading that gets to me. I turn around. Look at him. He's concerned. Green eyes meet mine.
"Don't get lost in yourself. Talk to me. Please."

It takes all I have to answer him.
"Leave me alone." I whisper. Pleads.

"No." He replies.

What the fuck? No?
"Get out of here!" I scream.

"No." He replies.

"I'm not your fucking charity case. You can't save me, Harry. Get the fuck out." I say. Calmer. Close to tears.

He sighs. Ruffles his curls. Gets up and leave. As soon as the door closes behind him I turn to stare at the wall again. Tears flowing freely.

He's back ten minutes later. I want to punch him. He holds out a cup with a pill in it.
"Antidepressant."

A laugh bubbles up. I let it out. I can't stop. Laugh. I probably sound like a maniac. He wrinkles his eyebrows.
"I don't want any pills." I manage to get out.

"Too bad. Take them." He urges.

I wonder what will happen if I refuse? Will they force me? Keep me down? Shove them in my mouth? Put me in a mattressed cell?
"Please, Louis. Just take them. You're depressed. Have been since you came here."

Well, duh? I have only been here for a week. The longest week of my entire existence. One week of 25 years. I'm entitled to my depression.

I stare at the pill. I shake my head. He sighs. I meet his eyes.
"Let's go for a walk then." He says.

"No."

"Pretty please?" He asks. Looks adorable. Damn it!

I jump out of bed.
"Look, I'm up. All healed. Will you go now?"

"Let's go outside and talk for a bit, yeah?" He says. Stubborn ass.

"Will you leave me alone afterward?" I question.

"For now." He smiles. Showing off his dimples. He's such an ass. Gorgeous. Fuck! Not good.

He takes me out back. We're alone. Zayn follows us but keeps his distance. Harry glances at me.
"Tell me how you're feeling."

I let out a snort. Frustrated. Angry.
"How the fuck do you think I'm feeling?"

"I want you to tell me with your own words." he says. He's such a therapist. Annoying.

I drag a hand through my hair. Walk.
"I'm stuck. Here. I have nothing to be happy about. Nothing to look forward to. It's just a dark fucking hole. I'm sad. Angry. Frustrated. I don't deserve this. My life has been taken away from me. I'm just a regular guy. If I had actually killed someone I could maybe accept my punishment. Now I just feel hopeless. I will never have the life I wanted. I will never be that fun uncle. I won't see my siblings grow up. I will never have kids of my own. Fall in love. Things we take for granted."

"You can still do those things." Harry tries to comfort.

My anger flares.
"Right. There are so many good candidates to fall in love with here. Let's see, should I fall for the guy who wants to rape me or a pedophile? A serial killer? I won't be the fun uncle because I refuse to let my sister bring her child here and regarding kids of my own, I'm not gonna be an absent prison dad that my kid will have to be ashamed of, fucking bullied by the other kids over. No thank you. I know you mean well Harry but please, just shut it."

I stomp away from him. Walk up to Zayn.
"I want to go back to my cell."

He looks over my shoulder. I turn my head to glance at Harry. He just gives Zayn a quick nod.

I immediately lay down on my bed as soon as I'm back in my cell. Stare at the wall. An hour later Zayn walks in with a big box.
"Louis? Here are the things your sister brought you. They're all approved."

I don't answer. He puts it on the floor and walks out. I wait half an hour until I can muster the strength to get up. I take everything out. Connect the Playstation. Put on a game of FIFA. Play. And play. And play. It's nice. I don't have to think. Just play. And play. And play. I don't even crave a cigarette. Maybe I do.

I think about just lighting one here but I don't. Too many fire drills at the high school I worked on maybe? Some rules are here to break. This isn't one of them. They would probably throw me in the hole for it and that would mean no FIFA.

I know I was supposed to work in the laundry room today. I know I'm expected to show up tomorrow. I stay up all night playing. Fall asleep early morning. I don't even wake up when they bring me breakfast. I just sleep my sorrows away.

I wake up later that evening. I'm not alone. Harry is sitting on a chair by my bed. I turn my head to the side. Stare at the wall. He sighs.