Italian

Brian (Part 2)

So about the last one being a cliffhanger, I realized I actually barely even remember anything really around 2009 or 10. I do remember some stuff, though, like my sister having cancer and moving to a new home in 2011. No, Natalie isn't dead, btw. In fact, it truly was a miracle of God she survived. But yea, I just wanted to bring it up because it was interesting, but I had to cut it short because it was around like 10pm when I finished. 

Anyways, something came to my mind the yesterday. I was trying to go to sleep, but couldn't. I felt like I had to much on my plate or something, I had way to much to think of. This book, schoolwork, youtube, family/friend matters, etc. But, I realized something.

I usually just pay attention as things go on in life. Although, having ADHD, my mind tends to wander. Sometimes it gets to the point where my mind is pointing to terrible thoughts the second I hear something. No, not like killing myself or not even really mad or sad. In fact, it does such I'd say more when I'm mad or sad. For example, I could just glance at a random person I haven't seen in my entire life, and my brain would immediatly think of me having sex with them.

What the actual f*ck.

I don't know why I'm like this, but because of this, 2 years ago, I named him Brian. I came up with him when I realized I thought of something that I thought was really stupid. It's not like having 2 people or anything, or a persona, I think it's just my brain thinking really stupidly. Although it has gone to the point where if, say, loli or something gets brought up.

"God, that's disgusting."

(You would like it though, wouldn't you? You horny bastard.)

"Shut. The. F*ck. Up. Brian."

The name is actually extremely unoriginal, all I did was take "Brain" and switched the A and the I. Don't think it's like Ram, RamB, and RB. It's all the same person. It's like having a small part of your brain, and it controls the worst thoughts of you. For example, I think Brian is why I got a porn addiction. Or, at least, he reminds me that I do. He controls the horny part of my brain as well, I guess. I'm not really sure what Brian can and cannot control, but I do know it won't effect the fact that I have had my own thoughts and feelings that he can't effect. These thoughts and feelings are seperate from him. And those thoughts and feelings got me to where I am now. And, currently, that's all that matters.

Anyways, I might as well tell of yesterday and today. 

So, I woke up yesterday at 4am in a hot, drenched sweat. This was do to a dream I'd call a roach dream. No, it is not like that one guy who had a pet cockroach, ate it, and had wet dreams 3 days later. It was a dream where there was a FRICKIN' COCKROACH IN MY BED. I kept trying to kill it, but it DIDN'T. DIE. Of course, I woke up and ran out of my bed. I checked, no cock. No roach. It took a bit, but I got back to sleep and woke up an hour later.

Skip to the end of school, I went home, sat in my bed, and texted RB. I wanted to get on call, but she had to go shower. So, I waited around an hour, and she was back. In that time, I found out that I had to leave with Natalie and Nate to go get candy from Dollar Tree. We were going to see the new Doctor Strange, so of course we brought our own candy.

It's like rom emulation.

Legal? Well, not stickly illegal.

That's a bonus.

Anyways, I got on call with her, and we talked for like 10 minutes and I had to go. The same thing happened when I got back from the store.

I don't know why, I kept worrying if I don't hang out with her, she wouldn't like me. Brian, I feel, was the reason. 

(I mean it's like, seriously. You don't having to be hanging out with her all the time, Alex. Sure, you and I'm sure her want to, but you can spend time without her you know. Don't be clingy, either. Got it? Okay, thanks m8.)

That might've been a more serious part of my brain. It doesn't have a name. Afterall, I feel like he controls a lot more than even I'd know of.

Anyways, I felt a lot more better realizing this, and I went on to the movies. My rating? 8.6/10, really frickin' good movie, I'd recommend it.

Unless you like DC.

You know who you are.

RB's dad.

Anyways, we came home around 12.

Pass out, next day.

I'll skip straight to first period. The day before I got a clown nose and 5 boxes of Dots, because they were "stale" and being sold for LITERALLY 1 CENT A BOX. I couldv'e bought their stock out for a dollar, but it was a good thing I didn't. They were disgusting, I think because they were "Easter Flavored".

If so, it tasted like wood splinters from the cross Jesus died on.

Then the Easter theme would make sense.

Anyways, first period, I wasn't just the clown.

I was the entire circus.

Anyways, my math diagnostic grade went up, thank god. It was only by 4 points, but it was still good that it was more.

Cut to lunch, I was planning on giving the boxes to RB/Gabie/Hailey. RB didn't want any, so I ended up giving Hailey a box and Gabie 3 boxes. Hey, I was mainly happy to get those of my hands.

Cut to this afternoon, RB had to go to a parade today to play in the school band. Ironically, my mom was at the parade too, but obviuosly for Strive Dance and Performing Arts. I'm unsure if RB saw my mom or vice versa, but hey, whatever. As long as they didn't talk to eachother or anything, because I feel my mom would bring me up an uncomfortable amount of times. After all, it's my mom. Talking to my friend from school. Who she knows I'm always talking to.

Anyways, I sat there at my computer, thinking of what to do. I still had to upload that new video, I don't even have anything down. But I need to update my story, although I want to do some Wii game downloading.

I then realized it.

Know what?

Screw it.

It's not like it's school or anything.

I don't have a deadline.

So, I don't really want to do my video yet. Who cares?

(People in your class.)

Wait, sh*t, you're right.

Meh, I still don't want to yet. :]

Anyways, I end the chapter off with this.

I'd like to make myself believe

That planet Earth 

turns 

slowly

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep

'Cause all my dreams are bursting at the seems

-Alex S.

May 6, 2022