Italian

Change

I don't know how to change.

Everytime i say im going to change, i dont.

I want to.

badly.

I prayed to god

Begged for change

Because im a

Hornified, judgemental asshole

Who says he'll change

Not know how

And f*ck up himself and the people around him

Dont get me wrong

Im not gonna blame brian or anything

Or rb↵

God, please dont think its her fault ↵

This is me

Not some part of me that holds all my problems

On my end, brian is an excuse, if anything

This is me

...

I could just drop dead by now

But yet

I

Still

Have

Hope.

Even when i f*ck up my life

I still try

Always fails

But still try.

So where do we go from here?

Well...

I guess you could ask one of them

Preferably not brian or grandpa

Or alex

Because hes just like them

He didnt realize it

But now that he does

...

Thats where i get ya

Hes realized

But kept going in life

Like them.

No one wants to be around someone who sugarcoats all their emotions into a book because he cant fix himself and how much of great life he has, just because he and his friend had a really good day.

To what he thinks is a good day, the problems come sooner or later as a regret

No, the days with my friends are amazing ↵

But its cause i f*ck up somehow

And he regrets it for the rest of the week

But please

Dont think of it as pity

Self hate

Blame↵

Begging for forgivness↵

love.

Its just me.

Alex.

Lying, disgusting, judgemental alex.

Who tries to change

fails

and doesnt learn to stop trying.

Do you think he'll stop though?

Of course not.

He has hope.

He won't stop having hope

until

he

finds

a

way.

And that is the only thing he needs to know that he can stop.

Maybe not overnight.

But he can try.

...

I can try.

I will try.

...

...

...

...

...

It is currently, 8 am, monday, may 23, 2022

I know rb wont see this in time, but im going to ask for her help

Because i dont even think il be able to live with myself if i dont speak up and say that i need her help if im ever gonna stop.

And also eventually get myself a therapist.

But for now, she is the one who made me realize im like this.

I hope that means that she can help me too.