Italian

Why?

Hi.

...

I don't know why I'm back here after what happened, but I guess I am.

Btw, I f*cked up.

Big time.

And still to this day.

I'm f*cking up.

Take yesterday for example.

I witnessed a man's shirt off, made a comment, and now I'm uncomfortable to him and at that, he doesn't really want me over at his house.

...

Why am I like this?

This is just like last time.

I can't keep my mouth shut and it eventually leads to me f*cking up everything.

That's how all this started, actually.

...

I was grounded for 2 weeks because I punched a kid on a field trip.

And it was because he did something that pissed me off.

By a lot.

And instead of keeping my mouth shut by leaving or telling a teacher

I punched him.

...

Why.

That's all I want to know.

Why.

Am.

I.

Like.

This.

I've already looked more into the bible.

And I now have an appointment with my therapist on Thursday.

...

But I know that I can't change.

I never have.

So what's the point of trying when it's going to f*ck up everyone around me.

And start hating me.

...

I'm sorry.

And I already know by now a sorry will ever fix what I've done.

But I'm not trying to fix anything.

Because fixing myself got me nowhere.

But at the same time

what will saying sorry do?

...

I don't know.

And for all I know, everyone that I've f*cked up because of me deserves a sorry.

In fact, they deserve a better person out of me, that's for sure.

...

Doesn't mean I know how to give them it.

...

I can keep trying, though.

I don't know what will happen, but if anyone sees me f*ck up, tell me right there and then.

Because I can't stop myself.

And it leads to stuff like this.

...

I'm still sorry.