Where my Heart Lies

Want

What happened...? Did we really...?

The creased sheets covered the bodies of two people- alive, confused and afraid, and asleep, one of them at least. Jessica had her eyes wide open as she gazed outside the window looking at the stars that shone subtly in the waking hours of the dawn. She checked her phone, it was four- thirty a.m. Her arm was stiff from laying on side for a long while, ever since she woke up from sleep. But she did not dare turn around and look at Liam, who was quite comfortably snoring in the bed. There were questions she did not know who to ask, or whether she should ask them at all, but in heart she had a serendipitous tune playing that reached all the way out to her ears and the rational brain. Something seemed different this morning, like a piece of puzzle fitting into place. Like a little pause, a solace she had- for a while. She felt an arm slip around her waist pulling her towards the source of all chaos. 

"Do you regret it?" Jessica asked.

"We were reckless. But no, I do not regret it."

She slowly turned around on her back looking straight into Liam's eyes. He was leaning in, bringing his lips closer, to kiss her! She quickly looked away as one of her most haunting thoughts came back to her again. The one that she had imagined in her brain several times.

"Is my breath-"

Liam had reached her lips and kissed her for a second before she pushed him away and narrowed her eyes at him. Like a wife would look at his husband when he comes back late. 

"You are drunk!?"

"As a matter of fact-" Liam licked his lips ever so slowly. "- I am."

"You left me sleeping alone?!" Jessica was getting hurt already.

"I ordered the drinks in here. In this room. I was confused about it. Whether or not I took advantage of your vulnerability-"

"You did not." 

Liam nodded and a playful smile crept on his face. "Can we kiss now?"

"NO" Jessica mouthed as she tried to get off the bed but Liam was quick to pull her back to him, crashing his lips on her, kissing her gently yet so fiercely, something she was starting to like.

"I do not want this to be a one time thing." 

"Us sleeping together?"

"No. Us. Just us. I want us to be." Solicitation was the only word that could describe what Liam held in his eyes as he waited. And hoped. To not fall into that abyss of denial and separation once again. He wanted to fly up, into the Zion of something that being close to Jessica offered him. Comfort. And belongingness. A need to protect.

Jessica turned to face Liam and cuddled closer to him as he gently stroked her bare thighs, his heartbeat going haphazard as he waited in anticipation. 

"Maybe, we could try." Jessica answered in an unsure voice, which became stronger and certain as each new word joined to express her heart. " For us. But I want you to know what I am. Someone who has dreamt and fantasized about love. As an escape. Ever since I was a child. I don't know, why I was this lazy-" Jessica paused and wondered if she should continue. Again, the answer to her billion questions was found in the eyes of this man that lay next to her. She continued. "-but I am someone who wants a Christian Grey. Without having to be an Anastasia. I would like it if you buy me things, take me to expensive places, all of those. Showy, instagram things. I am vicious at times. I hate people to the core. So many flaws and so little to make up for those. I would not want to talk to you just so I can be with myself. I might want you to pick my calls when you are working. And I don't want this to be a test drive for the 'us' you talk about. I would rather this last for a lifetime. But then I might not make the compromises that we need. Sometimes I would play an angry pretense, so you would come to console me. I might say the meanest things to you, I have said those to people all around me. I-"

Liam raked his fingers through Jessica's tangled hair, and she could do nothing more but close her eyes and feel.

"I would love to spoil you. And I would try, with all I could, to make 'us' last longer than our lives. You can be who you are. No pretense." He planted a kiss on her lips. " Let's make this work."

"Yes." And yet another kiss sealed the beginning of what I would call in my fancy words- 'Stagecraft for Quandary.'

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 Liam had sent her back to the college and left to meet someone later. Jessica, too, had a lot to share with her people. 

"I was wondering why none of you called." Jessica waited for Kiana to provide an explanation while she rather happily sipped her evening coffee sitting on the ground. Apparently, all of her friends had known something.

"I... Look, Liam called Larry and told us you were with him. So we didn't really bother that much. Besides," Kiana leaned in closer to Jessica "- last night was eventful." She gave her a knowing look.

"What happened?"

"I'll tell you what happened." Ryan threw his bag on the ground and hopped right between the two ladies. "Larry and I-"

"Larry and you-"

"They are engaged."

"WHAT!!!" Jessica almost screamed before calming herself down. She hugged Ryan a little too tight. It was just like this was her getting engaged. "I AM SO SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS-"

"Woah! Wait a second you two. That was not what I was gonna say." Ryan was blushing all over as he pushed Jessica away. "We probably, also had the steamiest night of our lives."

"You too!?" She blurted out in excitement, but Ryan and Kiana had heard her very clearly. "EXPLAIN!" The two of them said in unison. 

"Not before Ryan does."

"I am all ears to both of your nights." Kiana winked at them. It was story-time.

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"Mr. Anderson, have you thought about it?" Mr. McCallum, an old man of about seventy-one asked Liam one last time before leaving.

"You just said I have time to decide." Liam was getting frustrated with this man and his demands.

"When posed a question to the human mind, it has a certain degree of inclination towards some of the choices offered as a probable response. I just wish to know what your inclination might be."

"Why would you made such an unreasonable and willful demand for a deal that is profitable to both of us?" Liam looked up at him, confused.

"I have owned this business for how many years now? Not five or ten, but a good forty years, young man. A good forty. Years that I had never imagined were build and passed in front of my eyes. It is not a demand I would type and present to you on paper, I am the one at loss when it comes at negotiations in this deal. It is just I feel so close to my death, although my body is healthy, it is just something my heart tells me." The old man observed the younger, only to find winkles all over his forehead. He knew the poor fellow was put in a dilemma.

"A belief, a want that I have. I do not have children, so I can only make my bratty requests to the one person that wants to give my small stores a life ahead." Mr. McCallum said in his usual humorous tone. "It is something that I wish happens, or else I would rather see all that I have build go into the grave with me, and my wife."

"I know your wife's death has affected you greatly, but-"

"I will not waver from my obstinate demands, Mr. Anderson." He smiled.

"You press me Mr. McCallum." Liam sighed. "I believe I might try."

"Try, I have heard, is a good word." 

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