Where my Heart Lies

Get Over It

***

"I'll fly to Guangzhou next week." Perfect white teeth flashed over the screen. "I miss being with you." Liam tilted his head on the screen like an obedient dog.

"I miss you too, baby." Pain flashed across Jessica's face. But not the pain from missing Liam.

The facetime ended soon after and while Liam continued with his work, Jessica tumbled and tossed around over the soft carpet on the floor. Sleep would not take over its course in the bedroom no matter how hard she tried, something definitely felt off that night.

Ryan had been busy with his latest love interest, barely managing to drive Jessica back home. It should have been nothing of importance to her, yet it pinched a nerve. In a foreign country, it is a luxury to have a friend support you the way Ryan had supported Jessica. So much that she was afraid she had become habitual to his services offered at her beck and call. And now in a moment, all had changed.

Jessica lay on her back, staring at the white, starless, ceiling, uncaring and unmoving.

She wondered how something could be so... stony?

Letting out a groan of frustration and anguish, she grabbed her phone and unlocked it with her ring finger, donning the same old one Liam had slid over when they got engaged. She laced her lips with an unbidden smile that wore off as quickly as it came.

Here in China, she had to use a VPN to access services that were furnished by popular apps and providers outside of the country. As a result, the bare minimum screen time she spent on her phone irrelevant to work and just for leisure had now diminished to absolute zero, and she had successfully managed to break out of the toxic routine of scrolling Instagram for whole well counted five minutes each day.

Then today when she decided to once again access the 'spreader of toxic standards' before a good night's sleep, it must have certainly been for someone she held great regards for, I presume.

Definitely not-

Portia.

Jessica typed swiftly on the search bar the username Portia used years ago, hoping it had still stayed the same.

She told herself time and again to not do it.

It would have made no difference, even if she did not.

Her heart jumped inside her ribs while the search bar's loading animation spun on the screen.

There it was.

It was indeed the same account Portia had back when they were all freshmen.

What was not same was the profile picture that had been swapped with a new one. Ten times, scratch that, a hundred-times hotter.

In the picture she held a bouquet of roses and hidden chocolates, sitting in an expensive car, her hand sultrily stroking her neck while her gaze was obviously drunk.

She was clearly on a date.

Also, the background happened to be the same restaurant they had went for dinner that night.

She was very clearly on a date with Ryan.

Very. very clearly, proposed by him that night to be his girlfriend.

Throwing her phone far away yet safely on the couch, Jessica turned over to her stomach and slept.

I would blame her uneasy thoughts right before bed for when she woke up in the middle of night, full of serotonin to her core, having dreamt of a small scene in school featuring Ryan.

In that dream, she stood by the closet at the front of the classroom, untangling the jumping ropes all her classmates had been asked to bring for the annual cultural meet. Murmurs about nothing specific were afloat in the air credited to the teacher being late by a few minutes.

Right in front of where little Jessica stood, sat Ryan, alone, by sheer chance. 

She anxiously fumbled with her fingers, unaware of what was going around her, like she usually did. Then, she turned back to open the closet door and keep the ropes back in place.

Thud!

The door of the closet collided with the podium that was placed rather close to it.

Just as close lovey-dovey little Jessica stood to Ryan:)

The podium, which was the same size in height or a little shorter than Jessica back then, and heavier and broader than her small frame, caused a lot of trouble when the girl tried shifting it further away.

It shifted, bit by bit, but not quick enough to make space for the door to be opened successfully.

Then, abruptly, a boyish foot longer than Jessica's, pushed the podium at the right pace, in the right direction, effortlessly like butter.

Little Jessica watched the podium move.

Then, her eyes lifted slowly, like a doe in love, who tilts her head gently listening to the whispers of the night, in hopes of carrying promises of love from her amour and fell upon Ryan.

His eyes too, pierced straight into hers.

Of course, without an ounce of reciprocation for Jessica's puppy love.

Then he initiated a conversation with her by himself.

Alas, she was too naive, too scared, too much trapped by her own mind to love herself at the budding age of twelve without labelling herself ugly and unworthy of love. 

The dream slowly mingled with the reality and Jessica scrunched her eyes to lessen the impact of the light she had forgotten to switch off before drifting off to sleep.

Hell, she could not even recall what she had just dreamt of.

All she recollected and carried forward the next day was a giddy feeling laden by the weight of time, conjuring emotions untouched by the wave of fast flowing life for an eternity now

***

Portia enjoyed her life to the fullest, here in China.

Not like she did not enjoy it back in the States.

Of course, it was better led with the man she liked.

Ryan- already tending to her like a good husband, had washed her feet with lukewarm water upon coming back, afraid the pencil heels Portia wore by choice would cause dangerous bruises all over. Then, once soft velvet cloth had wiped the excess fluid off, the feet were carefully lifted, each by both hands and placed on the soft bedding of Ryan's bedroom. 
While Ryan prepared a rosy bath for her, his new girlfriend dozed off a little, she was tired.
She could not help but embarrassingly ask for help to be carried to the bathroom bridal style, eventually to pull Ryan in the tub along with her.

There, fully clothed, the couple lay in each other's arm, resting in love.