Where my Heart Lies

Author's Note

Hmm, okay.

So this is like a heart to heart convo of mine with anyone who bothered to find this story, was willing to come to the end, and was willing to read this note.

I do not recall when I had actually starting writing this story, perhaps some time back in 2022.

It was so many phases of me abandoning this story because the more I read it, the more silly it sounded. It felt like a young girl's fantasy at the end, but that is why this story is mine. And perhaps many more stories on wattpad, that cater to many hearts of young women that need shelter, and hearts of men and older women who have a craving to live life differently, or just read what it would be like? Maybe. I'm being emotional, but I'll tell you why.

Remember stories are most often born out of heads that are so full of thoughts. Like my poem writing phase back in high school! It was born because a real life Ryan crushed my heart. I had an overwhelming sense of emotional discomfort and poetry was an escape- it made emotions come out of me without being destructive. That short lived talent was not coerced. It just came into being. And went to nothingness when my feelings were numbed.

I wish I were Jessica.

But that is not what makes me emotional as I write this.

I made a promise to myself somewhere in August 2023 that I must complete this one story of mine no matter what. No matter how hard the marathon of the middle was going to be. This one won't be abandoned. I made a regular update schedule and thus moved through with a large part of this story, until November came, exams happened and winter breaks came. They sucked my dedication, being very honest.

I did not open wattpad for months, until today.

20 notifications, most of them story updates that other authors had made on books that I was reading but no longer. Some however, were votes on this silly story of mine. And that made me just take a look at the cover page of this story at my profile. 

1.37k 

That was the number of reads. I know it's not much, but there was a time when I started writing this hell of a book and tried different manifestation techniques to please 'give me' 1.0K reads. It really had something to do with this 'k' thing I guess. So I'd say I'm proud.

More than that, I felt guilty. I thought, so close to the finish line, but perhaps this would forever be abandoned and I would never ever write and finish my own novel. But I did today on 25/02/2023. And the little girl who thought she had no talents back in grade seventh (but wrote secret extensions of the harry potter series without even knowing the actual books exist, as she sat away from the class at the last bench) must be proud if she knew. (She was 11 back then)

But what made me stay up so late till now and finish the last two parts in one go, was not the 'votes' notification that I got, although it means the world to me. It was the fact that I felt so out of place here in uni, with all my friends out with their own Ryans and Liams. I sucked in air and rotted in my dorm room.

Yeah, I'm that unsocial nerd. 

But I felt that way, and I did not want my story to be abandoned the same way, so here I was. I did not know whether I just wanted to get done with it, or just wanted to crawl to the finish line? But it is done!

Also, so many thanks I want to give to this friend of mine called Khushi Priya (who sadly stopped using wattpad to focus on her studies back in high school; and sadly stopped being friends with me to be with her person<#3 but that was not intentional I know) for introducing me to this world/ app of wattpad.

Many more thanks to Wattpad for just existing. I know people all love mafia novels and fanfics, but there is space for all here. You literally gave me life when I was told there is a place like yours where people can read and write their minds! I was enchanted by you when there was no one by my side, and all these ideas that run through my mind take form of a world where characters exist, all with some special part of me. They are all born through me like a child, and you are to be thanked. Although I know there are so many more other platforms, but you are my start, so I am sticking with you.

And lastly, thanks to Jessica. The wonderful girl who became what I never could so far. I had to finish this, so you get your ending as you deserve, as any woman, man or just any human- deserves. 

Now that this story is finished, I can finally call myself a writer. Writing is my passion, although I do not know how to make a career out of it at this point or whether this writing even pleases anyone- I love myself for having come so far. I wanted to finish books when I was 15, but finally at 20- this has happened.

That is it. Thank you for being here, if anyone really was <3 I love you, a lot.