Where my Heart Lies

It's time

*What intentions can be successful if the universe plays against it? None, I suppose.*

"Why are you here?" Jessica held Liam's hand and offered him to sit beside her. Liam frowned and sighed as he sat himself down, leaning against the couch. He was weary, with his eyelids drooping low. Jessica opened her mouth to say something, then decided not to. Ryan had slowly faded into the background for all three of them present there. He was dismayed yet patiently observed the two people in love in front of him. He told himself it was wrong. All of what he felt was wrong. That it would be him who would be the annoying side character of their story who was trying to break them apart, if he ever confessed any of it to Jessica. He watched as Jessica made Liam turn towards her and gently pecked his lips in an attempt to comfort him. But it was not enough. No matter how Ryan tried to accept it, he felt nothing more than jealousy. It wasn't just Liam who was affected by Larry's death. Yet all Jessica could see was him.

No.

Ryan abruptly got up and left. Without anyone noticing, apparently, because he did not hear anyone call after him. He needed time. And space. To clear his mind and process all of his emotions that he endured right then.  

"Ryan!"

Just before he could have unlocked his car, he heard Jessica's voice. Something gushed inside his chest. A warm, happy feeling which he was sure was never there a moment ago. In that feeling there was hope. There was a desire to be limerent. Perhaps he was limerent already by then. He tried again. To hold back and choke whatever emotions came to him. And things would have been different, if he was anywhere close to being successful.

"Ryan!" Jessica was right behind him. "Why did you come out? You were saying something."

Ryan glanced at Jessica. Just one second. He felt like a criminal for even looking at her, by this point. He placed his hands over her shoulders and assured her it was alright.

"It's really okay. Liam needs you at this time, more than anyone. He lost his only brother. Be with him. We'll talk some other time." 

Jessica saw him drive off. She just hoped he would be fine. 

Ryan, had made his decision. He'd move away. And he'd never ever say what he had planned to say to Jessica that night. He's move away from everyone he knew, towards a new life, in a new city.

**********

It was a week left for graduation. Time had passed like ever-floating light cloud of nothingness it was. Liam's wound for Larry still hurt, but he could move now. The void was not filled up, but the internal, deep wound was now covered up by new skin. For Jessica, Kiana and Ryan, another major chapter of their lives would be closing soon enough, and they were all ready to embrace it. 

They were back in the usual cafeteria, talking about the plans they had made for the future. It was strange how none of them would be working a job using the degrees they had studied for, while the rest of the college was all for placements and companies and jobs 9 to 5. It was not bad, it was standard, and it paid you handsomely well. 

"I'd be moving to Connecticut. Back to college."  Kiana chirped in happily. "I've always wanted to study psychology." 

"Good for you." Ryan raised a coffee-toast to her. "Your plans are pretty obvious too, Jessica."

Jessica gave a sly look to Ryan. "Yeah. I'll be having a lot of new... achievements? I guess? I don't know. I feel like I'd embarrass myself a lot. I am not sure if I am built for that. But we'll see how it goes. Anyway, I've Liam to support me even if I fail. " She shrugged.