A Crown of Clouds

Chapter 4

Monday morning seemed like a day with a purpose for most, a day to chase dreams and build careers, or, just a day I left the house. One day when I was able to use some hindsight, I knew somehow I would be grateful for the bakery. Had it not been for Mr and Mrs Pilsby and their old fragile state needing help, I really would have had nothing to live for. Even though I'm certain my help wasn't the best they'd ever had, I felt needed and in return wanted, like I had someone on earth that still needed me, I couldn't just end it all and go to be with my sweet mother.

The walk to town was quicker than normal today, maybe my run the other day had made me fitter, or maybe I'd just been preoccupied with my tornado of thoughts to notice anything else. "Mornin' sunshine! How was your weekend? You get some rest, yeah?"

"Oh, Pilsby, if there were such a thing as too much rest, that's what I had."

"I believe that's called 'lazy', my dear," Jana said, popping her head out of the corner to half-smile at me. "The boy dropped this off for you," Pilsby handed me a piece of paper folded in half and taped over roughly.

Dear Hal,

Wow, that was a little formal for a note wasn't it haha,

Anyways, you dropped your scrunchie the other night and I thought you might want it back, so here's my number, if you ever want to see it alive, call me and I can drop it off safe and sound to your house. I realise now I don't know where that is, but I hope you'll tell me.

Alex

I wish his note had the effect it should have had, to feel butterflies and to feel giddy and girly knowing a handsome man wanted to see me... but I'd promised myself to focus on the pain, not to dabble in hope and especially not to dabble in friends, that was a risky venture with a guaranteed dead end. Folding the note back up I put it in my pocket, I forgot about it for the rest of the day, much to Jana's dismay I was sure.

I would focus on my job today and tonight I would run home again, I truly hated running, but I think that's my best option. Right then and there I had a brilliant idea, there was indeed one thing I hated a little more, well, it was more of a love/hate relationship. I loved to do it but hated that I couldn't always do every part of it. It drove me bonkers to not be able to do it. Yes, that's where I'd go tonight, I could even get in for free – that's if the owner still finds my flattery as charming as he once did.

Four o'clock couldn't have come fast enough, time to inflict some pain. Strangely and welcomingly excited, I swapped my converse sneakers and slipped my joggers on, put some tights and a crop on and strapped my bag tight, "I'll see you tomorrow Tudors," I yelled and waved as I left the bakery jogging at a fast pace. Pounding the pavement and gulping in the air, one more street and I was there, picking up the pace now, my legs felt like fire, muscles burning and bones aching. There it was, the Big Blue, a gymnasium filled with boulders, walls and overhangs – this was my Mum's favourite place to come and rock climb. She was laughably terrible at it, her delicate painter's hands clinging to the wall and shaking at the slightest incline.

Trying to turn on my charm, I pulled out my hair and ruffled it to the side, slapped my cheeks and wet my lips, "Jake, oh my gosh, I haven't seen you in forever, you are looking so tanned at the moment, anyway, how have you been?" I said cheerily, plastering on a smile as thick as I could to mask my very out-of-shape-act. "Walk on through Hal." Jake nodded towards the gym... squinting my eyes at him I questioned for a moment, he never let me off that easily. Holding his gaze for a moment was all I needed to understand. I had seen this look on almost every face that knew me in the last seven months, pity. Sucking my lips in for a moment I just nodded, I didn't want or need pity from anyone. Pity didn't help. Pity didn't bring back anyone.