Let Go

16: Steel Grey

Harken's P.O.V:

I wanted to belong.

I wanted to feel like I was wanted. Like I was cared for. I wanted to know that I'd be missed if I wasn't there, or asked for when I'm not seen.

I had never felt that.

I was on the football team in school. Before that I was on the volleyball team, and before that I was in the chess club. I always found a place on the outside.

It's the inside that left me alone.

Sometimes I thought that families were like this. I wasn't dumb. I knew all shapes of families exist. From families with no parents to families with no children. No family was perfect, but mine was something else completely.

I grew up miserable and unwanted.

I wouldn't know until later that my reasons to not belong were valid.

I had a brother, or at least I thought he was my brother. Blake Red was the colour of blood, but he sure ran like water.

Blake and I weren't brothers, I'd later find that out. But at first glance, you'd think we were. My lenses made our eyes similar. My coloring hairspray made our hair similar. My makeup made us look like brothers.

For so long, I wanted us to be close. I wanted him to be my rock. To have my back.

He got me hooked on drugs.

His "cocktails" were everything I wanted. They made me feel good. They made my mind stop whatever it was doing that got me miserable.

Every injection made me think less and feel more. It heightened my senses to the point of ecstasy.

I didn't think about Aiden when I was on Blake's cocktail. My brain didn't show me images of him in my head. I no longer thought about what would've happened if I acted on my feelings.

I just needed my fix and everything would be okay.

Except that Blake wouldn't give me my dose. For some reason, he wouldn't provide me with not one drop.

"Come on, why are you doing this?" I asked, desperate and needy. I just wanted a little bit. He wouldn't answer me, but I could see his features; sharp and unwilling.

"You will no longer get them for free," he stated blatantly.

"Are you for real? This is about money?" I knew for a fact that Blake had more money than he needed. It was one of his sick games, I was sure of it.

"How much?" I humored him to see where it would go.

"It's less of How and more of Who,"

I couldn't tell if he knew or not. As far as I was concerned, no one saw us.

"Call him and tell him to come over," Blake instructed carefully, "and I'll take it from there,"

"Call who?" I played dumb, but I knew then and there that Blake found out.

He grinned impishly, which made my anger rise. "The guy you were screwing yesterday night,"

My nails dug deep into my skin as I balled my fists. Blake had no power over me. He had no right or decision as to who I spend my time with. What I did in private was my business and my business only.

But then he slid his hand into his pocket and pulled out a tube. Upon seeing it, I grew weak. Blake smiled knowingly, sure of the sick game he was playing. Rage grew inside me, feeling the need for whatever was in the tube. I couldn't go without it, as weak as it was. The desperate need inside me craved it.

"He's the ticket to the other Haile," It was such a sick, messed up thing to do. He wanted to get to Raiden, and Raiden had one weakness: his twin.

"Please don't do this," I sighed in defeat. I didn't want to be a part in his sadistic plans. "Just leave the Hailes alone, please, Blake,"

In response, he shook the vial in mid air.

I had reached my lowest point, and my brain was starting to fuzz up. "Keep it, I don't need it. I'm not helping you get Aiden," I said with a sense of finality and went to my room.

The path to my room was just as fogged up as my brain was, but I shook it away. If Blake wanted to play that game, then I was going to play too.

I paced around my bed back and forth. Images of Aiden flashed inside my head. I had him in my bed but I couldn't have him in my life. I slowly started to feel dread seeping in. Blake wasn't one to give up. He was going after the twins, and God knew what he would do if he lay his hands on them. I didn't even know if he was on it alone.

My thoughts went to Scarlet. If I didn't help him, then Scarlet definitely would, and her price was way cheaper than mine.

The difference was that I needed what Blake had, while Scarlet could walk off easily.

I screamed and threw my pillow at the door. My hands went into my hair, pulling at it and feeling the stickiness of the coloring spray.

I went to the bathroom and rinsed it off, letting my mismatched white strands show. White and black and sometimes grey took over the fake brown hair. Then I opened the cabinet and grabbed some makeup wipes and went at my face with fierceness I've never felt before.

I washed my face once, then a second time, then a third.

In the mirror, my face looked natural again. The only nature I knew; with distinct white - almost colorless- splotches of skin. It was like a map, islands of white here and there.

My eyes were next. I took the lenses out, revealing my true eye colour: the lack of it. They lacked life. Steel grey, almost silvery.

I threw away my makeup, and the lenses, and the hairspray. I wasn't going to hide anymore.

One thing was left.

I needed my fix from Blake, and I was going to get it one way or another.

A/N: this story has the least comments of any of my stories. Is it bad? Do you guys not like it?

More soon x.