Let Go

30: Dinah

Harken's P. O. V.

A cold sweat has taken over my body. A colder demeanor has taken over my mind. I looked outside the window. It was pretty dark. I estimated the time to be around midnight. If not then one a.m. at most.

In the corner of the window, like a child’s drawing, was the moon. Full and bright. It made me wonder if Aiden’s daughter drew moons like this in the corner of her drawings. Or if Thomas’s son drew suns instead of moons in his drawings.

Then it made me wonder if I’d ever have children of my own.

My mind didn’t stop there. It ventured to dangerous territories as I showered the cold sweat away in the bathroom. I travelled a few years ahead, where I wasn’t addicted to anything. Not drugs, not cigarettes, and I wasn’t under anyone’s control. I didn’t have to hide from anyone. Would Aiden take me that way then? I tried not to think of the possibility of Aiden being with someone else. I held on to the thought of him waiting for me to get better. To become capable of standing my ground. And then he’d be mine, and he’d let me raise Ruby with him.

My tears weren’t distinguished as they mixed with the running water. I let myself sob, really sob, for the first time in months, if not years. I shut my eyes tightly and heaved under the running water. What have they done to me? I cried even more at how I wasted most of my youth shitfaced. What made me clench my eyes tight was that it wasn’t my fault.

I didn’t choose any of this. I may have had a part in taking the drugs from Blake, but I was just a child. I didn’t know any better. He sugarcoated everything. He made it sound like the best thing ever. And at the beginning it was. I hated that bastard so much that words couldn’t fathom.

Then a knock at the door startled me.

“Harken, are you alright?” Najib’s unmistakable accent spoke from behind the door. I appreciated that he didn’t just go in since he could. I didn’t know why he was in my room around this time, however.

I shut off the water and grabbed my towel. I wrapped it around my waist and left the bathroom to find Najib standing by the door. He was holding his keys and wallet with one hand. The other had a random folder.

“Nudity!” Najib gasped and closed his eyes, turning around in his wake.

I pointed at his stuff and waited. “Oh? My keys?” It made him sound like he was talking to a child. “I was just clocking out of my shift, which ends at two a.m. on Thursday,” he turned his wrist to look at his watch as if to confirm it. “But your alarm sounded,” he pointed his finger at the bathroom, jiggling his keys loudly while doing so, “We have alarms for when a bathroom door is closed for more than fifteen minutes,” he smiled triumphantly, like this was some great achievement they had here.

I didn’t know what the worry was for. I couldn’t hang myself from anywhere in the room. The door had a round corner. The shower head wasn’t protruding out of the wall. There were no curtains.

“I see everything is alright here,” he said like a cop on a night shift. “Goodnight, Harken.” He finally left.

I dried up nicely and got dressed in the dark. I felt restless and uneasy. The room was suffocating me. It reminded me of the one time in school when I snuck into the teachers’ elevator with Devon Richards. He was my best friend until he wasn’t on that very day. The elevator suddenly stopped, the lights went off, and in the heat of the moment, Devon kissed me.

I didn’t necessarily hate it or hate him. I was too hung up on Aiden Haile to have feelings for anyone else. Devon couldn’t accept that and we split in our separate ways. He didn’t want to talk to me anymore.

I left my room willingly for the first time.

The hallway was dimly lit. I tried not to make noise so I don’t alert any nurse on duty. I walked barefoot across the hallway till I reached the lobby. There was a receptions desk but there weren’t any nurses or staff in it. I passed by it and continued my way till I reached the cafeteria. It was the only open place here that I knew of.

To my surprise, I found someone sitting at one of the tables. A pretty girl who looked around my age.

As I got closer to her, she started to look more and more familiar, but I couldn’t pinpoint it. I decided to sit at a different table. I wasn’t here to socialize.

If she heard me come in, she pretended she didn’t. Even though I didn’t sit far from her, she didn’t look my way. Suddenly she got up. I expected her to leave, but she did the very opposite. She came and sat at the chair opposing mine.

She moved her hair away from her face and looked me right in the eyes. I had seen her; I was one hundred percent sure of it. I just didn’t know where.

“Harken Red,” She said, “long time,”

“Do I know you?” I asked. It was the first time I speak in this place. As long as I wasn’t speaking to the staff, it didn’t matter.

“Dinah,” She smiled a gorgeous, toothy smile and gave me her hand to shake it. She put it back by her side when I didn’t take it. I didn’t know a Dinah. Something was off about the whole situation.

“You haven’t changed not one bit,” she said as if she knew who I was. She didn’t know shit.

“Who the fuck are you?” I asked with a dangerous tone.

“Oh, right. You knew me by my dead name,” She said. “But it’s okay, I’ll give you a pass and allow myself to be dead-named this one time. Will you shake my hand? I promise I won’t kiss you.”

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. Please vote and comment your opinion.

I hope I gave and keep giving the (albeit slight) trans representation justice.

I didn't get heavily into a trans character because I'm not that informed on how to tackle such a character but I think I did well.

Thank you for reading.

More soon x.