Let Go

52: Departure

"We need to talk," four words that put me at ease, said no one. It was the worst thing to say to someone, and Thomas loved to tell me it whenever he got the chance.

I was sitting in his garden, watching Raiken and Ruby play with their toys. Tatiana was watching them, too, and so was Magdalena. Ever since the incident happened, we became very wary. It was still fresh in our minds with it being only a week ago.

"Can't I smoke in peace?" I was back on cigarettes, but only those. No drugs, no weed, and especially no alcohol. Just plain old Marlboros or Davidoff, whichever they had available.

"Walk with me," Thomas assumed I'd get up and walk with him, but I didn't. Thomas was used to get things his way, and I was used to disobedience. So, he came back and dragged me off of the grass and up ahead with him. I turned off my cigarette and disposed of it properly so I don't get another scolding from magdalena about it.

We didn't walk too far from the kids. Thomas, too, was still vigilant since the incident. It wasn't easy on him either; killing a man. Killing his relative. Killing Blake. Taking someone's soul was not easy. And to do it under such circumstances probably didn't help at all.

"Where will you go to?" He asked again. He asked me this question around ten times already the past two days. We both knew there was no place for me in Rivertown. Everyone had a life here. Everyone except for me.

Raiden had Thomas.

Aiden had Jamie, and in a way Scarlet was there for Ruby. She was going to stay in the Manor to watch over her and help raise her.

"I'll find a place," I said, shrugging. "I don't know. Maybe I won't. I'll be on the run like I was before," It felt different this time. Leaving felt more difficult than before. It was like I had a few strings attached to this place now. Maybe it was because his blood ran through my veins. Maybe it was because I wanted to see Raiken grow up before my eyes. He was Thomas and Raiden's son, and I felt like I had an obligation to protect him.

Maybe I just really wanted to belong here with sll of them.

"And where did that lead you?" Thomas broke my reverie. "You've been on your own for years and where did you end up?"

Here. It led me back to Rivertown. I hated when Thomas made points.

"You know I don't fit in here, Thomas,"

"Then we'll fit you. We'll make a space for you,"

"Who's we?" I really hoped he didn't mean Aiden.

"You know who I mean, Harken. You know what he means to you," He said it: What he meant to me, not what I meant to him.

"He's too busy to have a space for me in his life. He has a boyfriend and a child. His plate is kind of full,"

"There's always room for a friend,"

"I don't wanna be his friend," I said sternly. A gust of wind passed through us, bringing with it the smell of pines that surrounded the manor's boundaries. "Did you think that maybe I didn't wanna be his friend? I can't be his friend. I love him too much for that. I can't control myself around him. My hands always reach out for him. My eyes always search a room for him,"

"I'm sorry, Harken. I really am," he patted my back. "You didn't deserve any of this, but you got into it anyway."

"You shouldn't be. He was never meant to be mine," I said solemnly. It was true. However I approached life, Aiden seemed to be snatched out of my way. He was a forbidden fruit but we weren't in Eden.

"Why would you say that?"

"He has the boyfriend of dreams. Millionaire, successful, caring, and beautiful. Hell, he almost died for me just to keep Aiden happy because he knew-"

"Exactly,"

"Exactly, what?"

"He knew what you meant to Aiden,"

"Thomas, please. Let go of this. I'll leave and let them be happy together. If Aiden's happy with Jamie, I'll be happy knowing that," by the end of the conversation we had made a full circle around the garden.

I went to my room and took my prescription.

I decided to strip off and take a shower. I took a nice, warm one where I blocked every thought out. I didn't want any passive thought to taint the clear water washing my sins away.

When I was done, I decided to dress and go visit someone I didn't like when I first met. I didn't know if she'd have the time to host me or not, but I decided to go anyway. I took a car from the Manor's cars. They had a couple cars that belonged to no one in particular. I drove myself to Rivertown Hospital where I let my legs forcibly lead me to Professor Linda's office.

There I found someone waiting outside. He was young, around my age, give or take. He seemed to be going in frenzy.

"Now that's a person I never expected to see again!" Someone spoke from behind me. I immediately recognized the hard S.

"Hey, Najib. I see you still live here,"

"What a man got to do," he said, "Here to see the professor?"

I nodded. "If she has the time,"

"She'll see you in five minutes," Najib said.

"Hey!" The guy who was losing it screamed. "Najib! You said I can't see her until she was done with office hours!"

"You can't see her, Evan. Others can."

"But I'm her son!" Evan whined. I smiled. Now that I looked at him I could see the resemblance.

"In you go," Najib said a few minutes later.

"I've seen a lot of patients, but you're the first to leave me guessing whether you'd return or not," She smiled warmly and shook my hand.

We talked for a while. I told her about everything that has happened. I didn't speak to her for an assessment or for therapy. Maybe I just needed an objective opinion,

"So, you're just gonna leave?" she asked, a little bummed out.

"He loves someone else,"

"Judging by what you told me, it seems like,"

"Like he loves me, too?"

"Well, yes," she was genuinely invested in my relationship with Aiden. It was bittersweet.

"That's what hurts all the more. I know that he loves me. He just found someone better to love. Someone less troublesome. A safer space,"

Linda listened to everything I had to say. She didn't necessarily agree with me leaving but she didn't exactly say no. She just wanted the best for me. She gave me an advice though: wait for a little while.

She gave me a hug before I left. "If you ever need me, you know where to find me. Don't be a stranger,"

I said goodbye and passed by the psych ward. I checked up on Dinah, who was doing well. She was moving on to better things. I bid her farewell and headed outside. I drove back to the Manor and was unpleasantly surprised.

I didn't expect to find Aiden waiting for me at the main gate. I didn't want him to be there. I didn't want to see him as I was leaving his life. It made things harder than it already was. It was already my hardest goodbye, and seeing him there was going to complicate things further.

I got out of the car and locked it. He approached me with heavy feet. His fists were balled at his sides and it looked like he wanted to punch himself or anyone who would come near him.

"Aiden," I said, wary of any tone of speech.

"Harken,"

"What brings you here?" I asked and I wish I didn't.

"You need to leave this town," Was what he said.

A/N: another chapter posted as soon as I could. I'll post the next one in a few days assuming the situation remains as is and the war stays in the south and not in my city.

Thank you guys for the prayers and safety wishes. They mean a lot.

Hopefully more soon x.