Let Go

33: Pressure Point

Harken's P.O.V.

“You really suck at this,” She said as I stepped on her foot again. It was the fourth or fifth time that I do it. The sky was lit with a speck of stars, the gravel underneath our feet was rough, and there wasn’t any music to accompany our dancing.

It was like a Taylor Swift song. I felt like I was free. For once I didn’t think of what awaited me back in my room. The medication, the therapy, the commitments. I thought of nothing at all. Just me and her.

I didn’t think of Aiden Haile.

Maybe that was what had me bound to my old life. It could’ve been a million other reasons, but I wanted him to be my reason to stay. For now, however, he wasn’t.

I was at the rooftop of the hospital dancing with Dinah to a song that only existed within the confines of our heads. It was a lovely song, if I do say so myself.

After I sat a few times with her, we slipped back to our old habits so quickly. It was mad, I must say. I never expected to earn back my best friend in a whole different person. It was a bit difficult at first to understand how it was my best friend but at the same time it was someone else. But after a couple days things sailed smoother than I anticipated.

She apologized for the kiss.

I liked knowing that I could at any given second jump from the very rooftop I was dancing on and end my life. Knowing it gave me a sense of control. I needed to know that their little psych ward didn’t and couldn’t contain me for long.

I’d soon know that professor Linda allowed my access to the rooftop.

“This is nice,” Dinah said, resting her head against my shoulder. “I needed this. I just needed a friend, you know,”

I knew. No one needed a friend as much as I did. I think life was throwing Dinah at me to give me a break from what I had been going through.

What a dumb thought it was. I’d learn that life gave me Dinah to prepare me for the worst.

What I was part of in my past life wasn’t over, and it was coming back in full force. I just needed to look a little farther to see it. But right then, all I could see was Dinah and her soft hair against my chin and her cheek resting on my shoulder.

“I know I promised I won’t kiss you, but I so want to do it,”

“I really think you shouldn’t,” I replied hesitantly. I didn’t know if I wanted to be kissed by Dinah. I wasn’t one to get too attached too easily.

I thought about her comment as we descended the stairs back to our rooms, and I thought about it as Najib administered my medications the next day. I tried not to think about it when professor Linda welcomed me to our session on Friday morning. I wasn’t excited for it. I was still not talking to her, and she still had that smirk on her face like she knew how she was going to get me to talk. I highly doubted that she’d find away.

Oh, how wrong I was.

“How are you feeling today, Harken?” she asked like she did every other session. I didn’t know which session we were at now. Fifth or sixth. She asked me how I was every time, and I didn’t answer every time. “Najib tells me you’ve been getting friendly with one of the patients here,” She smiled and took a sip of what I assumed was tea by the label dangling from her yellow cup.

I didn’t answer. I held a poker face and pretended I wasn’t fazed. I secretly wished Najib would keep his heavy accented mouth shut.

“I thought we’d do something different today,” She beamed, closing her notepad. She usually wrote things down in it during our therapy session. She placed the pen neatly atop of it on the coffee table. “Since you don’t want to talk to me about what’s bothering you, I’ll talk to you about what’s bothering me. How does that sound?”

Again, no reply on my part.

“I’ve been seeing Camille lately,” my ears perked up upon hearing my mom’s name. I hated her guts. Sometimes when I closed my eyes, I couldn’t remember what she looked like. I’m glad she got a divorce from dad. I hated him, too. He threw me to Amanda to protect his precious Scarlet. Fucked up people, they were.

I had to suffer for their actions.

Try living with Amanda Red for a few years.

Try living with Blake Red and come back sane and clean.

“She told me a few things. Nothing important. Then I sat with your brother. Handsome boy, that Thomas is,” she continued. “He wished he could visit you,”

I balled my fist. I didn’t want any visitors. “Don’t worry. I know you stated you didn’t want visitors. We respect that,” She took a long sip, “he told me that Raiden and his brother reconciled,” It didn’t interest me what Aiden did with his personal life anymore. He was living his life. Good for him, honestly.

“Oh, and one more thing was mentioned,” She challenged me with her eyes. I didn’t break her gaze. She didn’t scare me and nothing she would say was going to crack me.

“Aiden is dating the CEO of Mic-” I didn’t hear anything after ‘dating’. Suddenly I felt my blood- his blood- rushing through my veins. It felt dangerously hot. Like fire found a furnace inside my heart.

“Aiden has a boyfriend?” I  broke down.

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