Let Go

35: Despair

Harken's P.O.V

I paced my room anxiously. I wasn't myself since the session last morning.

Professor Linda gave me a slap in the form of her announcement. I didn't think it would affect me this much, but it did. I hated to admit it. It made me speak despite my vow of silence.

I needed to leave this place.

There wasn't a purpose for me to stay here anymore.

If there was a reason for me to work on myself it was to be a better person for Aiden. But Aiden moved on.

He moved on when he started hooking up with Scarlet. He moved on when he decided to raise a child with her. He moved on when he decided to continue his life like I didn't exist.

And he moved on now with whomever Jamie Martin is.

My sadness was dangerously turning to rage. I was in pain. I never thought I'd encounter heartbreak multiple times over the same person. And every other time hurt more than the time before.

I wanted to rip my heart out and feed it to the dogs that howled outside my window every night.

I went back and forth, meeting the walls end to end. Then Najib entered my room unannounced. Or maybe he knocked? I couldn't tell with the sound of my blood rush to my ears.

It was time for my medication.

He brought them in a small plastic cap as usual.
"Hello Harken," He greeted me like all the times before, but today, everything was driving me over the edge. I wasn't going to be obedient anymore. I wasn't going to take my medication no more. "How's it going?"

He was used to me nodding obediently and taking my medication like their little pet.

I was fine. I was done.

Najib handed me the pills cup. I smacked it away and ran outside the room.

"Hey! No, stop!" I heard Najib call out after me. I rushed down the hallway and followed the exit signs that hung down from the ceiling.

Najib was hot on my heels. Eventually I reached the main doors. I didn't slow down when I saw the two employees barricading it. I tried shoving them out of my way but one of them was twice my size.
Still, I had more fight left in me.

I punched the burly security guard, but I was cornered one against three. We were causing quite the scene.

Patients and nurses were gathering around to witness.

I thrashed and fought harder despite them outnumbering me.

Suddenly, I felt a jab in my neck, then merely a few seconds later, I stopped fighting. Shortly after, I was no longer able to hold myself up.

When I woke up, I was in my room again.

I expected to wake up to Thomas sitting in a chair next to my bed. That was how it was. I fucked things up, and woke up to Thomas telling me things are better now and shit was sort of fixed. But this time there was no Thomas to tell me shit.

I pushed him away. I pushed everyone away and isolated myself in this godforsaken place. I started crying the moment I opened my eyes and found that my room was empty. It was like a video game where you’re dying for the fiftieth time and returning to the same last checkpoint.

A little while later I got visited by none other than Professor Linda. To say I didn’t expect her was a lie. I knew she was going to pay me a visit sooner or later. I just didn’t expect the sooner to be this soon.

“Feeling better?” She asked directly. She wasn’t here for pleasantries or to beat around the bush.

“What did you give me?” I was physically and mentally incapable of getting angry. It was weird. I knew I wanted to be mad but I couldn’t.

“A tranquilizer,” She took a seat at the edge of my bed. I wondered if Najib was gonna follow her or if he were scared of me now. “You attacked our staff,”

“I want to see Thomas,” I pleaded. I didn’t care if I was going to come off as weak or broken. I needed him. He was the only one who understood me.

Suddenly, colour drained out of her face. She looked like she had seen a ghost in my appearance. “I’m afraid it’s not possible for now.”

A/N: Are you still enjoying this story? I feel like everyone lost interest in it idk tell me what you think.