Let Go

51: Silence

Harken's P.O.V.

"I don't know if it's too late to tell you this or not, but I think it is. It's easier knowing you can't hear me but I have to let go of it." I took a deep breath that I was holding for a little too long. I was with Aiden alone in the room but he was sound asleep; sedated.

"I wanted what every kid at school wanted back then. Successful grades. A fun extracurricular activity to make my parents proud. A partner who I could release my sexual frustrations with. The whole teenage turmoil, you know." I didn't intend on crying, but I knew I was going to well up eventually.

"And I had all that and none of it.

"I had the shadow of that. My grades were barely passing. My football performance wasn't that great. And I didn't have a partner." I started welling up with tears that I didn't wanna feel.

"I wanted to quit football. I tripped over my feet most of the time. I only continued because I saw how your eyes followed me and not the ball.

"I improved my grades. But only because studying in the school library meant I could see you come in with your goofy grin and messy hair searching for where I was sitting to sit in front of me and whisper about quadratic equations like it's a math date.

"In my head, you weren't my boyfriend. That was weird. But you were a sense of it. Call it a crush or call it infatuation, but in my head you were someone unattainable that I yearned for yet my hand couldn't reach out to."

A hot tear fell on the palm of my hand and I closed it, keeping it there, holding it in just like how I held my feelings for ten long years.

"Ten years, Aiden. Ten years, and you're still out of reach, and you keep slipping further from me, and I don't know what to do. I don't know where I'm going wrong, or what I'm doing that's driving you away from me. All I ever wanted was you."

I stood up and wiped my eyes.

"I don't know if I'll be here when you wake up, I might be, I might not. If by any chance I happen to still be in town, I hope we could say goodbye. Properly this time maybe. I think we both need closure after all what happened so we could move on. I hope Jamie improves and treats you well."

I got closer to him and lifted his hair off of his forehead. It has gotten long. I kissed his forehead and wished I could do it when he was awake.

I looked at him one last time, then right before I left, he grabbed my hand. He murmured something but I didn't catch any proper words. I kissed his hand over and over again in all the places and returned it securely to his side.

I wasn't weak. I wasn't fragile or easily bendable, but God he made my bones turn to rubber.

"Goodbye, Aiden."

And then I left.

A/N: Short chapter but there's more to come soon.

Also if I don't update it means I died in the war (I wish I were joking)

Be safe and hopefully more soon x.