Life With No Games

Chapter 7: Arriving

All the faces staring at me frighten me beyond belief. I can see their faces moving and their hands pumping up and down. The children look to me as if I'm a God, the adults look to me as if I'm a monster or a savior. I can't bear it. I watch Effie and Haymitch in front of me for inspiration, but also to avoid the staring eyes. I end up catching a glimpse of people staring and whispering at Haymitch and Effie. Effie slightly lets go of Haymitch's hand and Haymitch grumbles.

To my luck there is a limo waiting for us at the end of the street. I quickly get in and sigh in relief as it starts and all the screaming faces disappear. I was not prepared. Finnick slides over to me.

     "Why do all those people love us Mommy?" He asks. Oh no!? Not this question. Peeta understands and quickly jumps in.

     "Because your mother saved them." He said, without even thinking. He's overreacting a bit, but I don't say anything because then the questions will be pointed at me. I look over to see Rue with a sly smile looking at me, Her gray eyes trained on mine, almost identical. From then on I look down waiting and hoping the drive is almost done until Finnick pulls on my shirt.

     "What!" I ask, my tone, a bit too annoyed then I hoped. Finnick lowers his head. "Oh honey," I say and lift his head with my hand. "I'm sorry, Mommy is just a bit..." I pause, thinking for a word. "tired." I look up to see Peeta staring at me, probably never going to look away. Effie looking around obviously not trying to stare. The others are looking down. I want to curl up into hole and never come out. Instead I ask what Finnick wants. He points to the window and I look out immediately regretting it.

There are people on the streets, cheering my name, holding up banners and pictures of me. I'm disgusted. I don't even know if these people actually care! They're probably out here because they have to be and I know my fair share of doing things I have to do, so it pains me that people are doing it for me now.

Peeta decides to break the silence, which I'm thankful for because it also breaks my thoughts.

     "So, where are we going?" He asks Effie. She smiles and does some moving around to make herself comfortable. That means she is going full Effie, which is when her schedule is her best friend and it's always first. It's around this time I usually zone out, but this time I decided not too because it's either listening to Effie blab on and on about the next four days or go back to my painful thoughts.

     "We will be arriving at the hotel in approximately 6 minutes and 25 seconds 24, 23, 22. As soon as we arrive I will show you your rooms and you may have 15 minutes to settle in. No more no less. I've got a new prep team for Peeta, he and Finnick will share.  So will Katniss and Rue."

     "Whoa, Whoa, Whoa!" I say and she stops, annoyed.

     "Katniss we only have 5 minutes 43 seconds left of this drive and I need to finish." Effie argues.

     "I know I know!" I say as quickly as I can. " But you said that we had 15 minutes to get settled in and then get ready for something. What are we getting ready for?" Effie rolls her eyes like it's obvious. She's done that so many times I've gotten used to it.

     "Maybe Katniss if you waited one second you would have an answer." I slump. Peeta as usual comes in for my rescue.

    "I was wondering too, Effie." He chimes in.

    "Time is running out! Now no more questions until I'm finished." She says, Effie sounds and looks like a school teacher doing a lesson."After we get ready we have a very important dinner at the President's." I choke even though there isn't anything in my mouth.

     "The president!?" I ask.

      "Yes Katniss, that is exactly what I said, the president." Effie repeats, irritated.

     "Isn't there a new one?" Peeta asks.

     "Yes I think so Peeta." She says. After President Paylor died, the presidency has been tossed around many times. There has been a new one for a couple months. Everyone now is uncomfortable. Effie tries to help, but it makes it worse.

     "It's no big deal it's just the president!" I assume Effie will realise what she just said, but she doesn't. I can barely make it through a small crowd of people and now I have to see the president! This is my nightmare. I sit up straight to look confident for my kids, but on the inside I want to crumble up and disappear. I was not prepared and now I have 15 minutes to. Effie starts talking about the next four days, but as the hotel building comes up Octavia stops her.

     " Effie, I would love for you to talk about schedules all day, but why don't we save this for tomorrow, so have lots of time to prepare." Effie frowns.

      "I suppose that's true Octavia." She says with a sigh.

     "Are we going to get to stay in a nice hotel?" Rue asks "And will I get to wear a pretty dress?" Effie looks at Rue as if she was a puppy. 

     "Of course, you will have the prettiest dress in the whole world... aside from mine." Rue laughs, like Effie's joking, but Effie's not.

     "Ya, aside from yours." She slides over to me. "And aside from Mommy's dress" She waits for my answer. I heard Rue, but I don't know what to say. If I say no then it will start an argument over whose dress is going to be prettier. If I say yes then that would make me sound like a bad mother.

     "We'll just have to wait and see." I reply and it seems to work when the conversation stops. I look at Peeta, he's staring off into the distance, probably worried about the same thing I am, meeting the president. He probably had the worst experience, being tortured under the hands of a president, forgetting who I am and almost killing me. He has every right to be worried. I would comfort him, but I can't even comfort myself.

     "Look at the hotel!!" Finnick says excitedly. I look, regretting it more than I can bear. The hotel is not a hotel. It's the tribute centre. I will be staying in the tribute centre. My breathing starts speeding up. I can't control it, tears spill down my face. I have dealt with Victors Day before, a couple of days, meeting with the victors, going in a parade, doing a speech about the lost tributes and done. I forget where I am, I anxiously look for a way out, so I can run to the forest and never come back to the capital again.

     "Katniss, Katniss!" Peeta's voice echoes through my head. I see his face.

     "Peeta, don't look outside. Please don't." My lip quivers. I tried to stay calm I really did, for my kids, for Peeta, but the memories rush back, the memories I tried to forget. Peeta follows my advice and does not look outside. If I am a mess, Peeta needs to be in control.

     "Are we going straight to the president's mansion?" Peeta asks, Rue and Finnick are staring at me like hawks, but I don't care. Finnick will forget in a moment and Rue already knows.

     "We were supposed to settle in, but we're already late!" Effie starts to panic. "The whole schedule is already ruined!" Haymitch puts a hand on her thigh, trying to calm her down, it doesn't help.

     "How about we go straight to the mansion, our makeup and outfits are already done. It'll be faster." Peeta chimes in, calm as ever.

     "But, but." Effie thinks about Peeta's proposal. "Oh, I guess. Plus, it's always nice to be early." Effie snaps back into professional mode.  "I heard there's going to be a buffet! Oh Katniss once you see the your victor friends all the bad memories will go away!"

At first I think that Effie is crazy to even think that! Of course they'll remind me of the games, of the horror, but they are my friends and maybe our lives will push all the memories away until I have time to gain control.

We pull up to the mansion about 5 minutes later and it reminds me of Prim's death. 25 years and I still can't believe she's gone. I leave the car with my head high and my heart low.