Life With No Games

Chapter 12: Not A Phase

Weeks pass and things seem to be getting back to normal, for the first couple of weeks everyone was talking about victors week and about my speech, but it kind of cooled off, Cassia barley plays my speech anymore and people have seemed to have gotten over it. But one thing that didn't change was Rue's phase of Panem history. Peeta keeps saying that it will end soon, but it's only gotten worse. She's been trying to find the other hunger games tapes, been searching up the history and even finding people a part of it. I've tried to get her out of it, but it only grows her suspicion that my speech was made up, which I don't want her to find out.

I really want to keep this to myself, but it's been getting harder and harder. My first instinct is to talk to Peeta which I've done enough already and he's way too supportive of Rue's passion for the history. The next person who I would talk to would be Haymitch or Effie, but Haymitch would laugh and give bad advice and Effie doesn't know my speech was fake. Next would be Annie, but I doubt she ever went through this and I don't want to put her through what I'm going through.

I can't think of anyone else and it bothers me. Then a thought comes to my mind, my mother. No I couldn't I haven't talked to her in a really long time, I don't know if I should, with victors week just a couple weeks ago, but before I can talk myself out of it, I dial her number. I might not even talk to her about Rue, but I need to hear her voice. The phone rings a couple times before she picks up.

     "Hello?" She says, or I think it's her. I don't recognize this voice, it's one of an old woman, then I realise it's been 25 years, my mother is an old woman.

     "Mother?" I say and she instantly recognizes my voice.

     "Katniss?" I think she can hardly believe that I actually called her. "Is it really you?"

     "Yes. It's me, look I know I haven't talked to you in forever, but I really need my mom right now."

     "Really?" She sounds so surprised and I am too, I never needed her, after my father died. I took care of myself completely and almost 30 years later I'm calling her for advice. She was never the best mom, definitely, but I think she can help me with my problem and I have no one else to go to.

     "Yes, I have a problem. Rue has started being interested in the history of Panem, and I love her and all, but I can't have her always talking and learning about it, it's something I've been trying to block out for years." I pour my heart out to a women I haven't talked to for years, but it's like it was 25 years ago yesterday.

     "But your speech? You talked about..."

     "I don't actually believe what I said in my speech. That's the truth, but Rue thinks I do and I've kept lying to her about it. What should I do?" I look away from the phone and sigh, the whole thing being an emotional roller coaster.

Mother takes a minute to think about this before she answers.

    "I think that you should tell her how you feel," She finally says. "Sit her down and talk to her, give her your side of the story. That's one thing I never did with you or Prim that made us this way, so distinct." Her voice cracks at the end and I even tear up a bit. My mother is right, she was always so distant from us. When my father died she completely separated from me and little Prim. I never thought about it, but maybe that's the reason I never talk to her, yes that's definitely the reason and I don't want that to happen to me and Rue.

     "I can't pour my heart out. That's not me, I don't know how." Mother sighs and she makes sure I can hear it through the phone.

     "Me too, Katniss, you say you are your father, but you are half of me and you got how I can never pour out my heart to anyone. Anyone but your father and when he died I didn't know what to do with myself, but keep my heart in and that was my greatest mistake Katniss. I could have easily talked to you and Prim, but I thought that I couldn't, so just talk to her, talk to Rue, for me, for Prim because if you don't you will regret it with all your heart forever." She holds on to the last words and by the end of it I'm sobbing as well as my mother because it's true, it's all true. We would of been closer if she had just told me what she was feeling instead of hiding away, so I make a promise right then and there to my mother, to Rue, to Prim, to myself that I will never hide away from anyone I love and end up like my mother, alone.

     "Thank you, that is the best advice anyone has ever given to me." And that's true. I owe my mother great debt for that advice and I really want her to know that. We talk about our lives for a while, she's still a doctor even though she's pretty old now, she says it's the only thing that makes her happy and it makes her think of Prim. I tell her that she should come visit us and convince her to take a break from her work. She finally agrees, but I know she's happy because I don't think she's ever met her grandkids and she's the only living grandparent of my children because Peeta's parents died in the bombing and we all know what happen to my dad.

We hang up after an hour and I feel relieved. I was just calling her for advice, but I think we ended up making up and our awkwardness and my unwillingness for her to be a part of my life changed after 30 years. I'm in a better mood than I've been in days and my family really notices, especially Peeta.

     "What's going on Katniss?" He asks at dinner. "You've been in a great mood ever since you were up in your room for an hour." Rue nods along with her dad.

     "What? Am I not always happy?" I ask, fooling around. Peeta smiles, loving my attitude. No one talks about my mood until the end of dinner when we are cleaning up. Peeta comes up to me and says.

     "What's really going on? I know something is. You can hide it from Rue and Finnick, but not me." I smile.

     "I'm not trying to hide it from anyone, just that wasn't the right time to tell them, but I will tell you. I called my mother and we talked...."

     "Wait!" Peeta interrupts me. "You called your mother? You haven't talked to her in years." I hit him lightly.

     "I know. But I just decided too and we talked and I guess we made up and she coming over in a week." Peeta's eyes widen in a good way.

     "Woah, that's amazing. I guess Rue and Finnick will finally meet their only living grandparent."

     "Ya that's what I was thinking, it'll be good for them. But I hope it doesn't start up a lot of questions." Peeta kisses me on my forehead.

     "I don't think so," He reassures me. "I think they'll be too happy to ask questions, even Rue." I purse my lip and smile.

     "I'm really excited." I tell him.

     "I'm glad you are, I'm glad that you talked to her, I'm glad for everything."

     "Me too." We embrace with so much love and passion that when Finnick walks in her smiles and runs over to join in. I can't stop smiling because I feel truly happy and that rarely happens and when it does, I'm always with my family.