From Actor to Healer: Alan Rickman's New Life as a Spirit Guide, Book 1

Chapter 8 - Alan's Doorway

Alan continued his explanation of what had happened immediately following his death. "The day we met," he said, "I knew I had found someone special. You were a lover of humanity. I felt it immediately. You were the embodiment of everything I had believed in life. You didn't know me. You didn't care about Professor Snape or the theater or any of my work. And yet you were concerned for my welfare. You cared about me as a person. I can't believe you made contact with me, gave me Reiki, and told no one about it afterward.

"The Reiki felt like a warm blanket, slowly covering me up from head to toe. It felt wonderful. It was comforting and soothing and healing. You balanced me.

"I learned there were people doing amazing things on this planet. I had no idea, truly. Even though you didn't know who I was, you wanted to help me because you had lost your parents to cancer. Your eyes were veiled and you didn't recognize me from our past lives, but I knew who you were. It was the most incredible thing I had ever seen. Two old friends connecting in the dark of the soul.

"So I stayed with you from that moment on. I couldn't leave you. That first night at your Reiki circle, I felt how much the Reiki was helping everyone. I understood that Reiki is a powerful healing tool."

I remembered then that I'd gone straight to Spiritus after work the day Alan had died, and that I'd put his name into the circle for distance healing. "You followed me to the center?"

"I had no idea where you were going until you walked into the place. I was heartbroken. I wanted to talk to you about what you were doing. I was a fly on the wall, yes.

"I wanted to understand. I had to know what was going on, what you did, how you communicated with me. But at the same time, I was embarrassed and felt like a voyeur. I didn't belong there, and I was out of my element.

"But I was happy to be there. All the people who had come for healing were excited to be there. I felt what you were doing, what you were all doing. The Reiki felt wonderful. I had never felt so comfortable in all my life. I felt at home there. At ease. No one there was grieving my loss.

"I didn't want to be a nuisance, so I hung out by the door where no one would see me. I didn't think anyone would. No one did, not even you."

"No, I had no idea you were with me," I said. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's hard to explain," he said. "I was still getting used to not having a physical body anymore. Communicating wasn't easy while I was in that state. I was totally confused."

"Would you have been that confused if I hadn't made contact with you that day? Did I cause some of your confusion?"

"No. It has nothing to do with you. It was how I was feeling at the time." He paused a moment. "I knew I would be able to talk to you someday."

"You did. You came to me the Monday after your death, when you tried to warn me I was going to get sick in front of my friends. How did you know that was going to happen?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I just knew, that's all. Perhaps what I had experienced during my ordeal with cancer had made me more sensitive to the symptoms of illness. We've had many past lives together. We share a connection. I wanted to help you because you had helped me."

Then Alan admitted that his cancer diagnosis had hit him hard emotionally. He'd been a passionate philanthropist, and this life had given him a multitude of opportunities to mentor people and support causes. He had deeply loved his family, friends, and achievements so much that he wasn't ready to let go of this life.

"I thought I was ready," he said. "Quite simply, I fell in love with this life all over again and just couldn't leave."

"That's why you stayed in the doorway?" I asked.