BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2014

Chapter 32- Am I Worth It?

August 10th, 2014:

We had just done a fun interview in front of fans for KCON. While we answered pretty basic questions like "how are you as a group different than other people" or "how have you grown since debut", it was funny seeing fans react and scream every time one of us spoke. There was this one girl in particular that kept busting her lungs every time I spoke or made any large gestures. After a while, when everyone starting chuckling at it, and I started looking for the person doing it. I finally found her and was surprised by who I saw. It was the girl I had asked to come to the concert for American Hustle Life who was a fan of EXO. I really wanted to go and speak to her, thank her for her support or something, but I wasn't sure I'd be able to.

When the interview had ended, we all walked down the stairs, and instead of turning left to go back to the venue, I turned right to meet the crowd at the barrier. The girl was quite close to the fences so I thought I could maybe get her attention, but it turned out I got the attention of all the fans.

"Sasha?" I shout, in the direction of the fan, "thanks for coming out and supporting us! Glad to see you're an ARMY now!" I shout towards her hoping she could hear, "thank you all for coming! I love you ARMY!" I then yell to the other fans to not leave them out.

I turn around and see a security guard right behind me, probably making sure the fans, and I, didn't do anything crazy. I meet Yoona who had been waiting for me at the side of the stage.

"What was that?" she asks me.

"I recognised one of the fans," I explain, "I asked her to come to our concert for American Hustle Life. She was an EXO fan at the time... guess she's a BTS fan too now".

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We had performed quite a long set for KCON, performing Boy In Luv, No More Dream, We Are Bulletproof Pt.2, and I Like It.

I was currently in my hotel room bathroom, on the phone with Jongin. I had thought about what IU had said and finally plucked up the courage to have an honest conversation with him. She was right, it was unfair to have him put his whole heart into this without knowing if he was ever going to get it in return.

"Y/N?" Jongin says picking up the phone.

"Hey, oppa," I answer, a little timidly knowing what was about to come in this conversation., "Now a good time?".

"Uh, yeah," Jongin hesitates, "we're just to eat dinner before starting to practice again".

"Oh, don't let me keep you from eating," I quickly say, subconsciously happy I wouldn't have to have this conversation with him today, "we can talk another time".

"No, no, it's totally fine. You seem nervous... what's wrong Y/N?" he questions, worry in his voice.

I take a deep breath, "do you want to know why I don't say I love you?" I let out quickly in one breath.

"What?" Jongin laughs slightly, "do I want to know why you don't say I love you?" he reiterates to make sure he heard currently. I hum. "Yes, of course, I do".