BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2014

Chapter 41- Hello Darkness

September 1st, 2014:

The Lotte concert had gone well without any issues, and we had gone back to the Big Hit building afterward. We were starting to work on the choreography and layout of the Red Bullet tour, while still promoting for Danger, so we had a lot to do, and Jungkook and I still had to attend school on top of everything.

It was early morning, and everyone had gone back to their dorm or were in the studios sleeping. Jungkook and I were left alone in the dance studio. Jungkook was once again just scrolling through his phone not looking at me. I start collecting my things to put in my bag and then go take a shower, but I realise that it was past midnight, which meant it was Jungkook's birthday.

"Happy Birthday!" I say excitedly.

Jungkook looks up at me surprised, "thanks," he chuckles, cracking the first smile I saw from him in a while.

"It's nice to see you smile," I comment, "I hope you have a good day today even if we have to go to stupid school".

I go to put my water bottle in my bag and leave the studio to go shower, but Jungkook speaks up.

"What do you mean?" he asks, slightly insulted.

I turn around.

"What do you mean?" I ask in return, just as confused.

"It's nice to see me smile," he repeats what I said, copying the way I said it slightly mockingly.

"Oh, it's just it seems you've really gone back in your shell, and you don't interact with me, and I haven't seen you like genuinely happy in a while... that's it," I say, trying to keep this as calm as possible.

I wanted to talk about this, but I didn't want to do it on his birthday since it would probably ruin his day. I had honestly not thought about the consequences when I said it and I was now beating myself up for it.

Jungkook just nods, "I'm sorry".

I blink surprised. That was not the response that I was expecting.

"I know I haven't been acting like I used to. It's just we've been really busy, and you seem to be loving your life with Kai-sunbaenim and your friend group with IU-sunbaenim and then there's me.... Like I feel like the members and fans compare us a lot because of our age and I'm just not meeting expectations... like you have the boyfriend, you have the friends, you have the voice, you have the intelligence, hell you even have the strength from the story Hobi-hyung talked about from Hello Councillor. I don't know, I just feel so incompetent," he admits looking sadly at the ground while playing with his fingers.

My heart broke. Why hadn't he told me this before? We used to rarely not tell each other things. I walk over to where he was and sit down next to him.

"JK..." I say, "I can see why you might feel that way... well no I can't really, mostly because it's just not true. You have everything I have and more, for one, your dancing is so much better," I chuckle, "and don't compare yourself to me or anyone. We just lead different lives and they're different, but that doesn't make one lesser or better than the other. Fans literally call you the golden maknae! They don't call me that, they call you that!"