Of All The Stars: Sirius Black

𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓽 𝓣𝔀𝓮𝓷𝓽𝔂 𝓔𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽

Estelle couldn't quite seem to get her mind right, she tried to squeeze her eyes shut and let her mind go blank, but she just couldn't get to sleep.

Her mind kept drifting to her years at Beauxbatons, the three very cruel years, filled with some very cruel people. One girl in specific called Apolline. She was a year ahead of Estelle, and a fellow half Veela. It seemed that nothing Estelle did was pleasing to her, and considered Estelle a disgrace to all Veela.

Their mothers had grown up together, and were as close as two women could be in high class families. So Estelle and Apolline spent plenty of time together in and out of school. The two should have been the best of friends, but Estelle could never win her affections.

Not even as young girls before they even went to school. Apolline was prestigious to say the least, and was well on her way to become a prefect and then head girl. Estelle supposed she must have been a threat to her reputation, as she wasn't very good at following rules..

But it always seemed to go deeper than that, and she could never figure out why this girl despised her so much. She guessed she never would find out.

But as her thoughts stirred in her head, one specific memory of Apolline and two other girls stealing her wand and locking her in a cupboard, for longer than she cared to remember, kept coming to the surface. She tried to push it away, but a tightness formed around her body, as if she was back stuffed in the tiny broom cupboard again.

***

Sirius laid awake in the darkness of his bedroom at the Potters, he hadn't been able to sleep well the passed couple of days. His mind spun with his thoughts, and he became quite partial to walks at night. The winter air cooled the burning of guilt that seemed to affect his very skin, but his mind never left Estelle, or what he had done.

If she had forgiven him... Then she was too quick to do so, he didn't deserve to be forgiven. He needed to do more, show her that he fucked up and that he wanted to fix this. He was reeling over the fact that he had only one more day until he saw her, he had no idea what to say. Not a single clue if he was honest.

James's suggestions were just awful, like he had any idea how to win someones affections as if he hasn't been pinning after Lily forever, with no success.

His fingers absentmindedly brushed against his cheek, the exact spot Estelle had kissed before she left. He smiled into the darkness, before shaking his head and pulling his hand away.

"Bloody fool." He muttered, rolling over in bed.

He didn't deserve such compassion, he didn't deserve for her to put her emotions on the line again. Even with such a small gesture, Sirius knew what it meant.

It was a gesture of hope for him, but he had already hurt her.. They had only shared one kiss, and he had hurt her.

What was wrong with him? Was he as incapable of love as his Mother? Or just as cold as his Father? Was he truly more like them than he, or anyone else would admit?

Estelles face flashed through his mind, her hair blowing through the wind and cheeks slightly pink. She looked over at him and smiled, and the image faded away. He shuddered, clenching his hands into fists.

"Just go to sleep." He whispered through clenched teeth, running his fingers through his hair and digging into his scalp, perhaps a lot harder than necessary. He closed his eyes tight, and after what felt like hours, drifted off to sleep.