I hate it here. Every girl i see. I'm not as skinny as them! I swear! Some girls here are force fed at lunch and i'm not so i know that i'm not that bad. I've been here for a couple of days now. It's horrible. Every corner i take theres a girl curled up crying or a nurse trying to force feed one, it feels like i've committed a crime, like i'm in prison. I haven't been able to check my phone since your forbidded to have them and you can only use the public ones but i probably won't miss much, social media hasnt really been a hit for me. Ever since the names i got called on it i tend not to use it, although i lost all that weight. The nurses keep saying that i'm doing good but they keep telling me babysteps. They aren't aloud to tell you what you weigh here in case it might cause a panic attack or trauma or something. But i do kmow that i have improved massively and almost achieved the and i quote the 'BMI goal.' Crazy right. It's only been a couple of days, maybe weeks, maybe months, who knows in this kind of places its not as if i watch the time everyday. I quite enjoy this place theres always something entertaining going on and for once in my life its like all the girls understand what i'm going through, although we're not all here because of our 'extreme weightloss' no theres some extraordinary people here, its so interesting to hear what they have been through. Lets just say i've made some bestfriends in the short period i spent here. There was this guy named Cameron but he preferred being called Ben for some reason but i'm not going to argue he got really mad when off the nurses called him Cameron he almost broke his nose. Anyway i've only seen Cameron a couple of times because the building is split between the genders but sometimes he's in my art class on Wednesdays and we talk about loads of things. He's quite cute as well although he really gets anxious he always scratches his arms too much if i might add i swear i've seen it start to bleed, he also doesn't like anyone looking at him, but every time i talk to him he always pushes his long dark brown hair out of his face so i can see his light blue eyes, he reminds me of someone, someone who i havent spoke to for a while, everytime my mum comes for a visit she tells me about how hes called over again, he left me alone when i needed him most, he shouted at me and i was already upset, i just dont know what to do.
4 weeks later...
"Woah Anna, you look amazing!" I turned around to see where the familiar voice come from. "Mum!" Just as i expected, i ran up to her and gave her a big bear hug! "Anna sweetheart, look at you, you look so well! At least you don't look sick anymore!" She was right this morning i got weighed for the last time at the clinic. 19.5 bmi! I looked in the mirror and i could already see my cheeks was a rosy pink and the huge bags under my eyes gone! Thank god you wasn't aloud mirrors at the clinic, i would never of noticed such a change. I threw my bag onto the back seat of the car as i slung myself onto the front seat. We drove back home finally!
"Anna, honey, i know you've only got back, but this weekend i'm going for an interview with Robert Pattinson, can you believe it!" Although i didn't want to be alone since i only got back today and it's Thursday but i would go if i was her, i mean come on he's famous and of course a complete hotty . "omg that's amazing! You'll have to get me an autograph!" I tried my best to act pleased because i was for her. "Your dad will have you!" My smile faded, no. "Mum, no, dad walked out on us remember, he lives an 1hr away. I don't want to see him. He didn't come all the way from his work to see if i was okay, did he? And plus i'm 17 in less than a month. I can look after myself." I sigh.
"I know you can honey, it's just are you well enough?" Of course i am, i won't go back, i am happy with myself now, you can only just tell i have put some weight on. Suddenly the car stops and i realise we have pulled up on our drive, god that went fast. I step into my house, it's just the same but feels odd. The smell of fresh cut roses, mums favourite. "Mum i can look after myself, i promise!"
Although the house is the same i notice some small differences, the cupboards are stocked with all types of food and the bathroom scales are no where to be found. I should of guessed my mum would of inspected everywhere for dangers. I dive onto my bed without a worry in myself as i drifted heavenly.
It's friday, it felt so nice to sleep in my own bed! My mum gave me the quick check over while i ate my porridge. "Okay mum i get it, call twice a day, and you'll be back tomorrow night, i love you"
"You're such a good girl, love you too!" I honestly hate it when mum talks to me like i'm a kid. I'm almost 17. It's shortly after 10am and i have nothing to do, so i decide to go out for some fresh air, something i haven't done for weeks. I shrug on a jacket and jeans, and shove my hair up, no ones gonna see me at 10:39am are they? I walk past Costa, memories of Matt and me meeting here on our first date, my lips tingle from his miss. I glare at the glass door remembering him lent against it on our first date, as my vision re-focuses the glass unfolds from a blur. Shit- he's in there i think, i swear it's him, but he's with a girl what. The girl had long brown hair, her tan outlined her face and her short red dress, funnily enough she looked like me but much prettier. I lean my face against the glass, where matt once was waiting for me, and i felt the cool icy window against my head, my breath turning it into a small fog on the glass. I open my eyes slowly and see that he's staring right at me, shit! I start to run away as fast as i could but i haven't been for a run for ages. I hear him shouting my name. I carry on running. I find myself back out my house, i run straight upstairs and to my surprise i entered my bathroom tears streaming down my face, my first boyfriend. I was too ugly. I am disgusting. Ew, why would he get with you, my reflection spoke to me. There was a knock at the door but it was too late, the damage had been done, i knelt on the bathroom floor, crying with the blade in my hand almost scraping my arm. Should i do this? Was those weeks worth it? Is Matt worth it? I chucked the blade on the floor, i couldn't do this, not to my mum, not after just coming out the clinic. I ran into my bedroom crying. I dived onto my bed, my tears drenching my pillow. Suddenly my door swung open, i lift my head up in shock to see who it was, it was Matt! "Matt what are you doing here?" I said before sniffling a couple of tears up, he took a few steps closer to me. "Anna, i'm so sorry, i thought you didn't want me, i don't know what i was doing, actually i do, i was trying to find a girl as perfect as you, but i found there isn't any." He sits next to me on my bed his hand strokes away a tear. "I didn't want you to go, you said you couldn't bear to look at me, you shouted at me, i thought you wanted to go" i said as i got up to face him. "Anna, i didnt mean those things, i was angry yes. But that was because I shouldn't of let you get this bad, I shouldn't of left you"
"It's not your fault, Matt. You're everything and more, i'm sorry for hurting you but I've got a question for you, that girl in Costa, is that your girlfriend?"
"Anna, it doesn't matter anymore"
"It does, otherwise i wouldn't be able to do this." I kissed him, but it wasn't just a kiss, it felt like when you're so hot and you've been wanting an ice cold drink and then you get one, it felt like christmas and firework night together, it felt like a flower blossoming, the tingle magic, the fireworks as he kissed back. The kiss deepened as a pulled him onto the bed, and we was lost. Lost in the kiss, in eachother.
