I am Leal

The Art Of Letting Go

"Mommy!" First wept as I picked him up and got him out of his crib. "Oh, baby. I'm okay. I'm okay. It's over."  His whole body shook in his fit of cries as I brushed calmingly over his back, but First didn't want to calm down.

"It's okay. It's okay...It's-Cub!" The cadet stared at us before he gritted his teeth and crossed his arms. "You never where on that trip to the medical frigate, weren't you?" He asked and I shook my head. "I knew something was off the moment I saw First with Blitz. I knew something happened. But I don't know what exactly."

"I'm not entirely sure myself." I said in all honesty and Cub glared at me before he sighed. "He couldn't sleep. He barely ate. He failed his reflex test." Cub then informed me and First sniffed before he hid his head in the crook of my neck. "Bad dodos. Bad dodos."

"Cub, I'm alright. That's all you need to know." He gritted his teeth, but as I reached out to him he took my hand in his. "Euphoria called yesterday and so has Kara. They were both worried about you." I could imaging why. After all they sat at the source of it all.

"I'll call them back. I just need a minute with my boys okay?" He nodded and we sat down. While First still seemed to not wanting to let go of me any time soon Cub adapted to his brothers behaviour and I had them both clutching around my neck.

There wasn't a thing we said as we just sat there and let time pass and for once my mind wasn't on the Kaminoans or these supposedly chips. It wasn't my family and only then did I realise in what danger I would have left the both of them. What could possibly happen to them if I died?

I sniffed First's hair and planted a kiss on Cub's forehead once the feelings got too much. "I love you both so much! Don't ever forget that." Cub looked up and smiled softly. "We love you, too!"

"I know, big guy. I know." I mumbled as he laid his head back on my shoulder. A harrumph let us drift slightly apart and I subconsciously laid a hand on my blaster. A Kaminoan stood at the door and patiently waited for me to acknowledge her. "Can I help you?" I asked and stand up still First on my hip and a hand on my blaster.

"Yes, Commander. CT-4786 is due for another reflex test. He failed the other." She said and I nodded and brushed over Cub's head. "We'll see each other tonight." He nodded and already dusted off. While I followed the Kaminoan with First.

It was the first time a Kaminoan addressed me as commander and it kind of bothered me. Not that it wasn't pleasant to get respected, but it was so oddly out of character for them to acknowledge me. And slowly I thought I was getting crazy!

First seemed hesitant of letting go of me as soon as we were in the medical room and I got asked to go. To be honest I wasn't even that ready to leave him, but I did and waited outside for him and ten minutes later I had a toddler on my arms, who stared at me confused.

"Where is First?" I asked and looked the toddler over and then back to the Kaminoan. "This is-" She started and I laughed dryly. "Don't mess with me. I ask this only one time again. Where is my baby?" She stared at me before she again pointed at the toddler in my arms. "This is CT-4786." I looked at the toddler again, but he just sucked on his thump and looked at me curiously.

This wasn't First. The toddler on my arms may look like him and may be the same age, but First had stopped sucking on his thump a few months ago. Moreover he just wouldn't look at me like that.

"Follow me!" I said angrily and walked away and into the direction of Lama Su's office. They really had nerves to mess with me three days after I got shot.

"Leal? What's going on?" Gladly Blitz and Will crossed our path and I held the toddler out for them to see. "Is this First?" They both looked irritated towards me, before staring at the child, who started clapping and giggling. And again I had to slap myself internally. That the Kaminoans thought I was this stupid to not recognise my own baby, was just typical for them. "This is-" The Kaminoan again said and I laughed dryly. "Shut up! Is this First?"