Hawk Heart

4. Wolves

tw: violence

My dad usually had dinner extremely late. Way after I had already gone to my room and was asleep (to his knowledge.) When that night I saw him at the dinner table however, I stopped dead in my tracks. Why was he here? Was it something I had done again? Something he would yell at me for? Or maybe some officiates were visiting soon and I had to be prepared?

None of the ideas were appealing to me.

"Hey dad," I said. "Er...didn't expect to see you here."

"Not my most favourite thing either, Asteroth," he said as I flinched again. He gestured for me to sit across him and I did, gazing at him, keeping my guard up. 

I didn't touch the chicken that Mel brought for us, instead waiting for my dad to speak up. He however, seemed too intent on his own food to say anything. After a few long, awkward moments of silence, I decided to start eating as well, much more to have something to do rather than out of hunger. 

"I needed to talk to you about the Carnival. And what we are planning to do," he said, clearing his throat.

I stopped chewing and looked at him straight in the eyes. From his tone, it was clear that he knew whatever it was that he was about to suggest, was not something I was going to like.

"I visited the Academy today," he began. I clenched my jaw. I wasn't looking forward to hours of grueling training to try and usher some Luminescence out of me that I clearly didn't possess. "I met...observed- a bunch of people there. Boys, mostly around your age. Quite adept, not ideal. But...passable."

"You're going to have to stop talking in riddles, dad," I said raising an eyebrow. "If you think me training there for eighteen hours a day is suddenly going to produce a luminescence which I don't have-"

"No," he said. "What I suggest is a stand-in for you. I met a few boys around your age. Blonde hair. Built almost the same as you. With some costume and make-up, amidst the blinding lights and coloured confetti on the platform, it wouldn't matter. Besides, only a handful of people have seen you."

I stared at him for a second. Was it one of his twisted jokes that I never found funny?

"You're...you're going to have someone else up there pretending to be me?" I asked in disbelief, my fingers cold and chest suddenly hollow.

"For the day, yes," he said nonchalantly reaching for another bite. He chewed for a while, deliberately, before he met my gaze again, astoundingly unfazed. "You wouldn't have to do anything. Just not show yourself that day. I'll handle the rest. It's the most logical way out."

"You'd literally rather make a fake fucking son instead of admitting the damn truth?" I said, resisting the urge to throw the spoon at him. "How the fuck can you be okay with this?"

I was stepping too far, I knew that much. Not only dropping the bomb but also raising my voice at him. But in that moment, I couldn't care less. It was humiliating, but even more so, how did he even think he was going to get away with it?

"Mind your language, Asteroth," my dad said, his voice infuriatingly calm. He patted his lips with a pure white cloth before looking at me serenely. "Frankly, I do not understand your outburst. This is the easiest way out for us all. You wouldn't have to exert yourself and I wouldn't have to be humiliated."

"Humiliated by what dad?" I asked, rising to my feet and glaring at him. "By my existence?"

"A bit melodramatic, aren't we?" my dad said, an amused smile tugging at the corner of his lips which somehow made me impossibly angrier. "When you'll think about it, you'll realize how logical this way really is."