Mirror Eyes & Bright Blue Skies | Jujutsu Kaisen

ⅩⅩⅠ. Return to Dust

The porch's splintered boards creaked beneath Ikuko's feet as she paced in front of a dark wood door. Her head buzzed, thoughts full of half-formed conversations and anticipated replies twisting themselves into incoherent shapes. She struggled for a clear line of thought.

He is home, right? He's usually off work by now, and he usually stops by to pick up some things before heading over to visit Mom...

Then, What should I say?

Then, This is dumb. What am I even doing here?

Ikuko began to wonder if she should even be here. She wasn't nine years old anymore, seeking reconciliation, advice, and comfort from her father. She could sweep the past under a rug. She could hold her own hand when things were hard. Couldn't she? She'd been doing it for years now, anyway, why not for the rest of her life?

But should she?

Perhaps, Ikuko decided, I shouldn't.

Ikuko had begun to think that perhaps people needed to be nine years old again, if only for a little while, to just take someone's hand, hear soft words of comfort brush against an ear. Ikuko, in particular, needed to clear the air before she choked on the dust.

She needed to know how to be vulnerable again because apparently, she wasn't very good at it, and she wanted to be good at it. If she could learn how to be bold enough in her vulnerability to speak her hidden, precious thoughts without backing down or downplaying and without apologizing, maybe she could confess to Gojo.

If I could confess to Gojo... and if I could do it without regret... That would be it. I'd know I could do something like that and be okay. I'd be more sure of myself.

Ikuko took a deep breath, her pacing halting at the door.

But first, baby steps, she thought and knocked.

It wasn't long before her father opened the door, and as soon as he saw her, a grin cracked across his face, "Ikuko! Come in, come in." He stepped aside, beckoning her in with a wave of his arm, "What's my baby girl doing all the way out here? I thought you weren't supposed to be visiting again until tomorrow because of those classes of yours?"

She smiled hesitantly, rubbing the back of her neck "I... um..."

As Ikuko made her way to the living room, her father following behind, she mentally scrambled.

This whole trip is about honesty! Vulnerability! Tell the truth!

They both sat down, her on the couch and him on the chair next to her.

But how much of the truth?

And it's not like why I came a day early is relevant.

No, it's absolutely necessary. It's why you want to have this conversation in the first place!

"Something... happened? Between me and someone else at the classes," she said, finally, "Nothing bad! Well, not really, just kinda disappointing, and I, uh, well, it got me thinking about stuff, and so I wanted to come talk to you. Just, like, sit down and talk through some things, you know?"

Her father nodded, leaning forward, resting his arms on his knees and clasping his hands, "Absolutely. If you want to talk, I'm listening."

"Yeah, I... I'm not exactly sure where to start, but I know I want to be honest," Ikuko said, spending a moment to sift through her thoughts before continuing, "I guess if I want to be honest, I should start by apologizing. I'm sorry I've been avoiding you and mom-"

"No," her father interrupted, "Don't apologize. You don't have to."

Ikuko shook her head, "But I do. See, I hurt you. I know I did. Every time you called me and asked me to come visit and I said no, I could hear it in your voice. I made you go through this whole thing by yourself. I know how much that hurts because I was also alone through it, though that was my own fault. But anyway, I'm sorry, and I promise I'll never do it again. I'm not running away anymore."