Feeling Faint (BxB)

Chapter 34

Jay's P.O.V.
The lines have just started to dwindle when I glance over at Ben and immediately go on high alert. His hands are visibly shaking as he taps a button on the register, and I can tell his breathing is beginning to quicken.

I put a hand on his shoulder and lean over to his ear, asking in a low tone if he's alright. He doesn't respond, just sliding a book into a plastic bag with its receipt and continuing with checking out the next customer.

I bite my lip and glance around, catching Em's eye. She immediately waves us off to the back and hurries over to the register to take over now that the rush has slowed.

I gently guide him by the shoulder, maneuvering him out from behind the counter and then taking his hand to bring him to a back room where I shut the door behind us, closing off the noise as well. It's then that I realize just how uneven Ben's breath is, and immediately have him sit on the floor. I sit next to him, leaning his frame on mine and putting a hand on his knee.

Lately, I've been feeling so disconnected from reality with everything that's been going on, but for some reason, this moment seems more real than the last three weeks. His breath floating across my arm, the feel of the denim material of his pants against my fingertips, and the warmth of his head against my shoulder make me feel present for once. The sounds of the store just behind the door are muffled, and instead, we've found our own little alcove amongst stacks of books, some boxed and others simply piles about to tip over.

It's strange, but it seems like everything is chaos around us while we're just behind a curtain that separates us from the crazy.

Ben's shoulder that rests against mine is tense, his breathing still ragged. I feel him tilt his head on my shoulder and he leans further into my frame.

We stay like that for several minutes, and I relish in the feeling of his warm body up against mine as I listen to his breathing in hopes that it will slow. However, it just stays the same and I start to worry he'll pass out.

"Ben?" I say gently, tapping his knee. "Why don't you put your head between your knees for a bit and take some deep breaths?"

He doesn't respond but slowly shifts into more of an upright position, putting his knees up in front of him and putting his head between his legs as I suggested.

"Would it help for me to rub your back?" I ask, trying to gauge his state.

I scoot up next to him, realizing he's too far in his head to talk. "You can tap my arm twice for yes, once for no, if it's easier than talking."

His shaking hand reaches out and taps me twice, so I sit next to him and rub his back. I can feel shuddering breaths going in and out of his lungs as he tries to control his breathing.

I offer gentle encouragement as his breathing slowly evens out. He takes a long deep breath and slowly releases it, then lays back against the wall, closing his eyes.

"We can just go home if you want. I'm sure they'll be okay." I say, watching him closely.

He shakes his head. "I just didn't take my anxiety meds this morning." He says, taking in an unsteady breath as he runs his fingers through his hair. He grimaces. "I'm sorry."

I shift to face him head-on. "What for?"

His eyelids lift, revealing watering green eyes that avoid my gaze. "It's just such a nice day out, and today was supposed to be fun. Instead, we're sitting in a back room while I try to get over an anxiety attack." He shakes his head. "I'm sure this isn't what you had in mind for today."

I start to reach for his hand, but restrain myself, instead playing with my fingers. "Ben, the only expectations I had for today was that we'd be spending it together. And sure, maybe we're in a storage room, but I'm still with you." I say with a grin. "Plus, the day's not over yet." I pause. "Let's go home for a bit. You can take your anxiety meds and have a nap, and if you're feeling better later we can always go out again."