Feeling Faint (BxB)

Chapter 12

We sit there watching a movie together in contentment. River has joined us after ordering the takeout, but he's curled up in the chair in the corner of the room. My eyes have become so heavy that my head is now resting against Ben's shoulder. My eyelids droop closed again, and I'm just about to lose the battle when my phone buzzes loudly and I jump.

I sit up and unlock my phone to check the message, which is from an unknown number. I scan the screen frozen in shock. 'Hey fag. Think you'd be able to fake an injury and skip practice? We're smarter than that.' My eyes run over the words again and again, unable to shake them.

I take in a shaky breath and lock my phone, turning it over and laying it on the coffee table. I mumble to Ben that I'm going to the bathroom and walk down the hall, quickly shutting the door behind me.

My breathing is shaky, nearly coming in gasps now. That word is echoing in my head. 'Fag.' I grip the edges of the sink tightly, feeling lightheaded. I squint my eyes closed, trying to control my breathing.

I stand in the same position for a few minutes with my teeth clenched until I finally catch my breath. 'You're okay you're okay you're okay.' I repeat in my head.

I transition to deep breaths and take a moment more to compose myself before opening the door and heading back down the hall, now feeling numb.

I freeze in my tracks when I realize both Ben and River are staring at me and my phone is in Ben's hands.

"Jay..." Ben begins, but I cut him off and snatch the device from his hands.
"I don't want to talk about it."

I walk briskly to his front door and leave, him calling after me. "Jay!" I storm away, ignoring his voice. His footsteps come closer and his hand appears on my shoulder, turning me around.

I shrug it off and look him in those bright green eyes. "No. I already told you I don't want to talk about it. Not only that, you violated my privacy."

Tears begin to fill my eyes as I raise my voice. "What right did you have?!" I turn and storm away, trying not to let the tears spill down my face. He doesn't follow me again.

I resist the urge to turn and look at him, instead going outside and texting my sister to come pick me up. 'Sure, where are you?' I look around, realizing that in my anger I've stormed into the middle of the downtown shopping district where I took a walk with him just the day before.

I sigh, typing out a response. 'Downtown shop area, meet by the fountain?'

I run a hand through my hair and slip my phone in my pocket, heading toward the meet up point.

It feels like every eye stares at me as I walk by. They're probably all thinking the same word. 'Fag.' I shove my hands deeper into my pocket and quicken my pace, averting my eyes from the harsh gazes.

I get to the square that houses a fountain and benches and find one away from the crowd and bustling people to sit on. It's funny how all these people have their own lives, and that really, to them, I'm a face in the crowd. I'm nothing to them. I'll probably make no impact in their lives, while they go on living their own lives unaware of my own problems. I'm an ant in a giant world, one that feels as if it's crashing down around me.

All the people who were supposed to be there for me are drifting away, slipping through my fingers like whispers of wind. My family will be gone once they find out my sexuality. The football team clearly isn't as supportive as I'd thought... the message was proof of that. Sure, it could be just one player, but the chances of there being others too are higher than I'd usually like to admit. There's a part of me that knows it could even be Devon who sent the message, from another phone.