Feeling Faint (BxB)

Chapter 9

Ben's P. O. V.
I blearily open my eyes to a bright glow, and realize I've fallen asleep at my computer. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and push it aside, checking the time and finding that it's 4 in the morning. I groan, knowing that the probability of me sleeping again is next to none.

I stumble into the kitchen and start a pot of coffee, trying to at least make myself productive if I'm not going to get any rest. The machine emits a beep as it signals that it's done, and I pour myself a cup and shuffle back to the couch to keep typing even though I feel exhausted. I trade my contacts for glasses and continue my work.

After another hour of futile attempts to focus, I grab my jean jacket and keys and leave the building, needing to get out for a while. The streets are quiet and peaceful in the early morning air, and even the sun hasn't woken up yet.

I'm torn between going for a walk or for a drive, but after a moment after indecision I unlock my car and pull out to begin my meander along the streets. All the shops of the downtown area are locked up tight, still not opened after their nightly closing. The wheel slides back into place under my fingers as I gently maneuver through a turn.

Jay keeps appearing in my mind even as I drive. His face seems stuck in my memory, along with all of his facial expressions. I glance over at the empty seat next to me, wishing he was along for this drive that was supposed to be peaceful.

Instead I find myself dangerously alone with my thoughts. My biggest concern is Jay's condition. I'm still mentally beating myself up for not having him rest as much as he should've been. I bite my lip, gazing out the window. The research team has been working behind the scenes on his case, but I know they'll need to run tests soon and I'm positive that Jay's father won't be happy about it.

I pull over in a parking lot near a shop lined street, feeling my eyes droop. It's not going to be long before I'm going to need more caffeine. I'm sure that I'm addicted at this point, and I'm well aware that it's not healthy for me.

However, I'm tired of tossing and turning alone at night for hours upon hours, only to find myself unrested the next day. I run a few fingers along my burned wrist, remembering Jay's concern and kind eyes. He was so worried for me... even more so when I got that text.

I lay my head on the steering wheel and let out a heaving sigh. I really did try to hide it from him, but apparently he could tell something was bothering me. If I could hide my insomnia from him then why should more things have been any different?

I rub my tired and sore eyes, realizing I'm still in the sweatpants and t-shirt that I slept in. I pull down the mirror and hardly recognize myself. The dark circles under my eyes are growing more shadowy every day, and it's a wonder that no one has said anything yet. I've tried to hide them with my glasses but I'm sure the charade isn't fooling anyone.

My stupid green eyes are standing out as always. They've brought me stares as long as I can remember. They're so bright they nearly seem unnatural. Some days I consider trying colored contacts just so I can get the gazes off my face.

My brown hair is a mess, sticking up crazily at all angles and making me look like I haven't slept well in days. Although I suppose that's true, so what does it matter? I flip the mirror up and rub at my hurting eyes again, clunking my forehead back to the steering wheel and letting my eyelids fall shut.

I jolt out of sleep when my phone rings loudly. I let out a frustrated sigh when I realize the short nap I took didn't help at all. I grab my phone and pick up without checking the caller ID.

"Hello?" I say groggily. "Ah shoot, did I wake you?" A voice answers back. "No, no, you're fine." I reply, recognizing River's voice. "I just figured you'd be awake by now." I glance at the clock, realizing I've been sleeping for a few hours and it's now 9.