Another way (Young Royals)

The panic attack

(Simon's point of view)

The holidays were soon over and everything was back to normal. Wilhelm and I stole glances from each other, sneaked around and kissed in empty study rooms and cuddled in his bed after school when no one else saw. Well, other than Sara who knew that something was going on between us. She often gave me knowing looks before class when WIlhelm and I came into the classroom, but not so that anyone else would catch up on it. I was laying in my bed on my own. I missed Wille, but there was not much to do about it. He was in his room at Hillerska. I wondered if he missed me as much as I missed him when we were apart. The feelings I had for that boy were stronger than anything I had felt before. I fell asleep with my thoughts on him. In my dreams I was sleeping with him again, as I had done when we were at his place over the weekend. Sleeping next to someone you loved was something else. When I woke up the next time it was by the sound of my phone. I picked up, still with my eyes closed.

"Simon?" I heard Wilhelm's voice through the phone. I sat up.

"Hi baby, what's up?" I asked him. I was worried. He usually did not call me in the middle of the night. I heard him sob.

"I feel really bad. Can you come, please Simon?" he begged through the phone.

"Are you sick?" I asked him.

"I have anxiety and it feels like I am on the edge of a panic attack," he replied.

"I am on my way, love. Try to keep calm until I get there, okay?" I said. He gave me some kind of noise in reply. I got up, got the clothes on and rushed out of the house. I took my bike and then I began bicycling to school. I had full speed. I just wanted to get to him. When I was finally at school I locked the bike behind the bustopp and ran up to the school. I gently knocked on Wille's window, so that I would not wake anyone else up. He came up to the window and let me inside.

"Hi my love," I said and embraced him. He was in just boxers. He held on to me as if I would disappear from him if he didn't.

"Thank you for coming, Simon," he said.

"Are you doing any better, baby?" I caressed his back with my cold hands. His skin was warm against mine. I had been out in the cold.

"A little better now that you are here," he replied.

"Have you gotten any sleep tonight?" I asked. He shook his head. I sighed. I led him to bed and had him lay down before I laid down next to him, still in my clothes. I was still cold. I wrapped my arms around his torso.

"Shall we try to sleep a little at least?" I asked him. He nodded. We fell asleep after a while. I tried to comfort him and calm him as best as I could until then. I slept until my sleep was once again interrupted. This time by Wilhelm sitting straight up and hyperventilating. Did he have a nightmare? I sat up with him. He began sobbing.

"Shh. It is okay Wille. Come here," I said and embraced him. I caressed his hair with my fingers. I wanted to calm him down. I looked at the clock on my phone. It was 4 AM.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Not now. Can we try to sleep some more?" he asked. I nodded. He laid down behind me, spooning me. His hands were in mine. We laid like that for a while, but neither of us fell back to sleep. I turned around to face him instead. I caressed his naked upper body with my hands.

"I am so in love with you, Wille," I whispered in his ear. I put a strand of his hair behind his ear.

"And I am in love with you," he replied. "You are so beautiful."

"Have you seen yourself in a mirror recently, huh?" I asked him and giggled. He climbed on top of me. I caressed his face with my fingers. He was truly the most handsome person I had seen. He leaned in and kissed me. I kissed him back with force. If none of us could sleep we could just as well kiss instead. After a while we got my clothes off with joined forces. Soon we were just in our underwear. We giggled and kept kissing each other. I had my hands in his hair. One of his hands rested on my shoulder and the other one was down by the waistband of my boxers. I felt how his hand found its way under the fabric. I breathed heavily. After a while he began kissing me down my body. He started at my neck, kept on with my collarbone, down my chest and all the way down to the belly button. And then he came back up to kiss my lips again. I caressed his skin and held him close to me. We finished and then we lay down next to each other. I smiled at him. Gave him a kiss on the forehead.

"Do you think you can sleep now, Wille?" I asked. Wille nodded, also smiling.

"I love you," he replied, before closing his eyes and falling back asleep. I replied with a whisper, but he was already far away.