Bitter (wlw) (txs)

one

"Yes, I'll let you know if I need anything. Promise" I said through the phone, trying to sound convincing.

I'd moved in an apartment all alone in New York two weeks before, and my mother still continuously called me because she was worried.

She probably thought I wasn't responsible enough, but I was going to prove her how I was perfectly capable of living on my own at 19.

I was only a few hours away from her anyways.

I moved to New York because I was starting college the following week, and I was going to major in English literature. I 'd gotten really lucky and managed to get a scholarship.

My family wasn't sure that was the right path for me, even though I'd been top of the class in English for all high-school, and I spent like eighty percent of my free time reading. So I also wanted to prove how that was actually what I was meant to be doing.

"Well okay then, honey. We'll send over the last package with your stuff tomorrow. Do you want me to add that one stuffed toy you always used to keep next to your bed?"

"I'd rather not see that anymore, mom. But thanks, I guess" I said, once again trying not to seem annoyed.

"Well, I'll put it in anyway. You never know!"

"But mom-" I started. "... nevermind. Do what you think is best. I really have to go now though. It was nice talking to you!"

I actually didn't have to go.

"Ok sweetie, have a good day! Love you" she said before I could end the call.

I did love my mom, but she could get quite annoying. Especially when she insisted on sending me a stuffed elephant toy my ex boyfriend had given me for our two year anniversary six months before.

His name was Jonathan. He was conventionally the perfect boyfriend. Good looking, popular in school, top of most classes he took. My parents absolutely loved him, I think they were more devastated than me once we broke up.

I sometimes wondered if I really did love him as much as I thought I did, or I figured out he would make my parents happy, so I just stuck with him for as long as I could.

My parents also agreed with him on the reason he was breaking up with me. And that made me more devastated than anything.

I made the big mistake to tell him that I'm bisexual. It's something I'd known for years but just my closest friends knew. He was a very conservative and religious guy, so I could have figured it out, but I always felt like I had a weight on my chest before telling him. I needed to, whatever the outcome was.

Long story short, he went insane about it and called me all sorts of things. He obviously told my parents, who also called me all sorts of things and made me feel disgusting about myself.

I felt bad for like a month or so, I thought I'd be ashamed of who I am and alone for the rest of my life. But I guess I just understood that I couldn't let people make me feel like I was wrong and a bad person because of it. If they're not okay with who I am, that's their problem.

They just decided to ignore what had happened and went on pretending I was straight, also ignoring each conversation about it I tried to start.

At that point I really couldn't wait to finally live without the constant judgement and pressure they put on me. It had only been two weeks but I already felt immensely free.

Even though living alone did mean having quite a lot of responsibilities. Like making sure that you don't get lost into thoughts when you were supposed to go buy groceries, knowing that the shop next to your apartment closes fifteen minutes later.