The Puck Bunny

Thirty-One

LUKE

I stood in my doorway for a long time after Carter shut herself in her room, mouth wide open in both shock and realisation.

The shock was seeing how fast everything could change. Not too long ago I was comforting her in this very room after her fight with Fraser and his bi-polar attitude. I'd threatened him and almost ended his UofM career before it had even begun. He knew to keep his distance from her and things were oh so right.

Then the realisation hits and I understand exactly how we got to where we are. How I drove her away.

Of all the things I could have done, I fucking called her Georgia Bunker. She didn't deserve anything I did to her, but she sure as hell didn't deserve that.

I'd driven her to the point of complete withdrawal. She didn't go to any meals, didn't speak to anyone and definitely didn't skate. And what had I done, besides gotten drunk and knocked on her door after almost two weeks? I fucking chewed Fraser out for telling us he saw her at breakfast.

In reality, I was ecstatic to know she was at least eating. But I also knew how she felt about him and didn't like the fact that he seemed to know her better than I did. And I let him know. I slammed him up against a wall and nearly punched him. And that asshole stood there, ready to take it, as though he actually understood what he'd done to her. But the truth was I'd hurt her so much worse. Not more, worse. And I knew that there was no coming back from it. Despite that, she agreed to take a chance come her graduation, which thrilled me and gave me hope. Then I go and do what I just did and tear it all down in a moment.

I don't even know what got me so heated in the first place. Well, I do know. But I don't know why.

She kept going on about that fucking Peacock. I couldn't stick it. She was defending him, like he hadn't been a complete asshole to her and toyed with her emotions. A second wave of realisation hit me, when I understood I'd done the same thing. Him, more. Me, worse. And I didn't exactly like the idea of hurting her worse. I mean, nobody deserved to hate him as much as she did, but even Carter was able to look past it and see something human in him. I really had no right to feel so strongly about him, yet here I was still attempting to blame him for her walking away from me just now.

'You're a coward Luke Bennett'

Those words would haunt me forever. And the horrible thing is she was right, I was a coward. I was afraid to give my heart to someone who deserved it and I hurt her in the process of attempting to guard myself. Even worse than that is the fact that I don't even want my damn heart anymore. If it meant getting her back, I'd give it to her and let her keep it forever. Even if it meant just being her friend again.

'I'm sorry Pruitt but I don't think I can be friends with you'

All I had to do was walk two steps across the hall and knock. If she didn't answer, I'd tell her I was sorry through the door, promise to give her space but beg she wouldn't give up on me like I tried to do to her. I'd tell her I want to be in her life, in any way that she would let me and I'd tell her I'll make it up to her somehow.

If she opened the door, I'd resist the urge to pull her face in and kiss her lips one last time. Hell, I would have kissed her so hard if I knew our last would be our last.

And I'd just beg and hope like hell she'd find it in her heart to see something human in me and forgive me.

I couldn't move my feet through, it's like they were glued to the spot. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't bring myself to go over there and do anything I'd just imagined doing.