Dear Diary (Larry Stylinson)

Answer #2

Dear Diary,

I still don't know what the missing piece to my album is yet. I mean, obviously it's another song, but what do I write about? I've been struggling with what I want it to be. Half of me wants to write about Louis, but the other half is screaming at me not to. Is it too much to have two songs about him?

I cried again last night, believe it or not. Last night felt especially empty and lonely for some reason. I feel pathetic for crying, but there is no one here to comfort me. It's just me alone in my thoughts.

I cried because I wanted more than anything to be back in Lou's arms where it's safe and warm. I want him to tell me that everything is okay...that we're okay.

Speaking of me and my own thoughts, I found my personal answer to the second question. The question was: "Who decides who loves who?"

Future me is reading this to himself and thinking: You get to decide, dumbarse.

Well I wish it were true for me right now.

This answer is basically the same as the answer for the first question.

Wouldn't it be amazing if everyone could decide who they love? Most can to some extent...but not me.

Management. It's always the fucking management dictating my life, telling me what I can and can't do with my life. Fuck them. Fuck everyone.

Fuck life.

Life.

How do people have so much hope for their futures? How do they continue on? I always here people say that there's light at the end of the tunnel. Niall tells me that often. Why can't I believe it? Sometimes I want to end it all. But something keeps me from it. I don't know what it is, but I'm grateful for it when I realize what I've almost done.

I want so much to decide that I love my Lou. But he's not mine, and I can't love him. What if one day we could? What if we both broke free and came out, not caring what others thought?

What if...

That's all my life has ever been about. Just those stupid wishes that will never happen.

Sometimes I think that Louis never loved me like he said he did. Why didn't he fight for us? Why does he seem like he is so in love in Eleanor? If he ever loved me even for a moment, he wouldn't let me go like he did. But he did in the end.

If I write anymore, I'll cry again so I'm done for now. I'm planning on writing when I find what's missing for the album.

All the love,

X
 
 
 
 
(A/N) I really hope I'm putting enough emotions into this.

Comments?

Typos?

Thanks to everyone reading this!

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