Dear Diary (Larry Stylinson)

Answer #3

Dear Diary,

My first tour of my solo career is over.

I never in a million years thought I would ever say that. It's always been a completed tour with the boys, but I have to start getting used to ending things by myself. It will be weird for a while, but everyone tells me that I'll get used to it eventually.

One Direction or not, the tour was amazing! I had no idea so many people would want to be at one of my concerts without the rest of the lads there. The most memorable part of the tour was hearing the lyrics that I wrote being sung back to me by the crowd. I was performing Sign of the Times, and when I started singing the middle part of it, I heard hundreds of voices singing back to me. All I could do was stare into the crowd while they screamed the lyrics back to my own ears. I couldn't believe it. It meant so much to me that I put both hands over my heart, bowed to the singing fans, and mouthed the words "thank you" over and over.

I also have the answer to question number 3 which was this: Why do there have to be decisions about who loves who?

I believe that there doesn't have to be decisions. People don't just say, "I'm going to fall in love with this person" or "I will be in love with them". Love doesn't work like that. It comes steadily and then little by little you start to fall for that one person. Or if not steadily, love can also crash into you before you can think. But my point is nobody can really decide who loves who because it happens on its own. Someone could say that they want two people to fall in love, but that doesn't mean it will happen. Does any of that make sense?

For me, management tried to get me to love people. They tried to decide who I loved. Taylor and Kendall are probably the biggest ones they attempted to make me fall in love with. Management set me up with each of them thinking I would be distracted from Louis and fall in love with them. Did it work? Absolutely not.

I haven't thought of Louis as much recently. I mean there are times I do, and my heart still aches, but I've been busying myself with new song ideas and other friends that I've been able to drown out those thoughts of him. It's been a couple weeks since I've cried myself to sleep. I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I'd like to think I'm finally moving on and growing.

Speaking of growing...I'm definitely growing in my confidence over what I wear. I had a couple hours to myself this afternoon, so I sat down at my dining table and painted my nails. I had bought a bottle of the black polish a few months ago. I couldn't stop looking at my hands after I painted them. I forgot how good painted nails make me feel. I feel like I know who I am. I feel like I'm free. The next time I go shopping, I want to buy a bottle of aquamarine colored nail polish.

Questions, answers, and nail polish. That's all that's new in my life. I'll write again when something interesting happens. For now, I'm content with myself for the first time in a long time.

All the love,

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(A/N) Harry painted his nails!!! I'm always so proud of him in real life with everything he does!

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As always, thanks to the few people reading this <3

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