Answer #4

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by AlllyyyR01

by AlllyyyR01

Dear Diary,

I've been thinking long and hard about things. Specifically love. I mean it's always on my mind since the moment I met my Lou Bear, but recently it's been really heavy on my heart. I reread my past entries this morning and I can't believe how far I've come..how far we've come.

You know, I didn't really know the answers to those questions. In fact, my answers have changed dramatically since then. I'm here to set the record straight on my thoughts and answers. Things are different since I first answered them. They're different for the better. So, here we go.

Question #1: Who decides what love is?

Answer: I do. It's that simple. There isn't anymore management that's controlling my thoughts and actions. It's purely me deciding who I love from now till the day I die. I choose who I love and nobody can stop me. Louis feels the same way.

Question #2: Who decides who loves who?

Answer: My first answer to this question was management, but not anymore. To be honest, I have no idea. I know that I can choose who I love, but how are two people just meant to be together? I always answer a question with a question but I can't help it. Maybe the stars aligned just right when I was born, maybe it's fate, maybe it's God, maybe it's just plain coincidence. I'll never know for sure, but I do know that I'm thankful for whatever it is. Without it, Louis and I would've never found each other. We wouldn't have ever loved each other to be ripped apart and then sewn back together again. I'll probably never know the answer, but I'm content with not knowing. As long as I'm with the man I love.

Question #3: Why do there have to be decisions about who can love who?

Answer: There doesn't have to be. In a way, yes, there does, but it has to be decided for yourself. Nobody can force to love anyone. I know this from first hand experience. It comes naturally or not at all. I answered this question pretty much the same way last time and I still believe everything I wrote. Everyone around me tried to get me to love other people and forget about Louis. In reality, they never succeeded. I decide who I love. Nobody can do that for me and they'll never have the chance to try again.

Question #4: Why can't love be love in any form it wants to be?

Answer: A couple years ago I would've written a really depressing answer about how I can't love who I want. I would write that for me, love has to look a certain way...with a girl who is rich and pretty. This isn't how I feel anymore. I can love who I want now. That means I can love a certain small, feather haired, blue eyed, feisty boy who loves me for my height, green eyes, curls, and kindness. I don't care if you are gay, bi, pans, or anything like that. Love is love. It can look like however you want. It can be whatever you want it to be. Who cares about gender roles? Who cares about two girls or two boys falling madly in love with each other? Who gives a fuck? I don't. I could never judge anyone about who they love.

So that's that. I'm happy with those answers. I feel like I've grown so much during these past few years. And you know what? I'm glad I went through all that shit. I'm glad I cried. I'm glad I went through all the pain. Without all of it, I wouldn't be where I am now. Louis and I wouldn't be together. So yes, its weird, but I'm thankful for all that crap.

I love Louis. I know he loves me. I can publically show my affection for him without fear. I love him so much. And you know what? Nobody will ever take that away from me. Not Simon, not Olivia, not my fans, not the rest of management. Not even the gods above could separate the two of us. No. Nothing could come between Lou and I.

And I'm staying with him until the end of forever. Even if we have to burn in hell together for our love, I'll still be there holding his hand through the hot flames. He's my angel. My only angel.

He makes me strong. He's the love of my life. He's my addiction. He's my habit that I can't break. He kills my mind.

And I'm proud to call him mine.

(A/N) AHHHHH!!! I LOVED WRITING THIS CHAPTER!!!!

Thank you to everyone who is supporting me in this! We've reached over 200 reads which is way more than I ever thought I could get!!!

A HUGE thank you to bailey7040 and tpwk_justicefortbsl for your support! You two are angels❤

At most two chapters left, but it might end up being just one. The next one will be out soon!

LOVE YOU ALL❤