shadows from the past {a marvel fanfic}

Chapter 30: Why i am the way i am

after a few minutes you let go of him. "i'm sorry" is all you can say. "it's okay now" he says softly. "you called me pumpkin" you say smiling at him. "yeah i don't know why, it just" he says not finishing his sentence, distracted by the genuine happy smile on your face. "my dad used to call me that all the time" you tell him. he smiles at you "i'm sorry" he says. "for what?" you ask him confused. "for being a bad dad" he says. "well first of all technically you're not my dad yet, so you shouldn't apologies for that. and second of all, you were the best dad" you say, getting emotional now, you never had the chance to actually tell him that. he softly smiles but you can see in his eyes he doesn't believe you. "but i" he is interrupted by a loud noise. "the launch" Steve said interrupting "we need to stop it".

you think for a moment, was stopping it the right thing to do? "Steph, we have to stop it" Morgan says softly. "o-okay" you say hesitant. "how long do we have until launch?" Steve asks you. "about an hour" you said looking to the clock. "okay and where is the launch?" he asks. "about an hour from here" you say looking down. "okay, that means we have to hurry, let's go" he said looking at you "lead the way". "oh yeah, sure" you say leading them to the garage where the cars were parked. you got in and drove towards the place of the launch. 

it was silent in the car when Steve asks "would you die too?". "what?" you ask him confused. "Zyke told us the plan, the whole wiping everyone that has powers or has super soldier blood from the earth" he says "so would you die too?" he asks again. "yes" you say shortly, without a bit of doubt. you didn't saw Morgan, but you could just feel her shocked expression. "then why did you plan this, if it means you die too?" Steve asked. "for the good of the world. i'm willing to sacrifice myself, in order to safe others". 

"why would you do that?" Bucky asked confused. "because the world is brutal now, there are too much people with powers that can play for judge, jury and executioner and i won't let that happen anymore" you say. "but you, and we" Bucky asked surprised "i don't understand". "you don't have too" you say coldly "my life has been ruined by people with powers. and if it means that i have to die in order to never let that happen again, then i will do so" you say coldly. "what happened?" Steve asked softly.

"i was very young when my dad told me that he would eventually be killed. he knew what he had done in the past and that there were a lot of people out for revenge" you begin. "when i was younger i didn't really understand, but as i was getting older i did. he told me he did horrible things, i of course didn't believe that because, well, he was my dad. he was the sweetest most caring person in the world to me" you tell them, as they all silently listen. "so even though he told me i didn't believe it. but he prepared me anyway, taught me how to fight. and to never trust anyone" you continue."then one day i came home and he wasn't there, i looked for him everywhere but couldn't find him. when i came home later that night he laid in my bed, bleeding out" you say swallowing hard at the memory. you feel Bucky grab your hand. "h-he died" you say swallowing back your tears. "i spend a long time hunting for his killers and then i found them. i knew them, i trusted them" you tell them "and they took him away from me. they came close to him because i trusted him and they made sure to kill him in my own bed. so i would never forget how, where and by who he died" you say.

"who were they?" Steve asks carefully. "my boyfriend at the time and his friends" you tell him, a bit of anger and hurt in your voice. "that was the moment i swore to never trust anyone ever again" you say coldly. "he always knew how to say the right things to me, to win my trust, even tho my dad always told me not to. he hid from me that he had powers" you tell them. "luckily he didn't now i had powers too, so it came as a surprise when i killed him.....slowly and painfully" you say with a light grin on your face.