𝐖𝐇𝐘? ━━ 𝗩𝗜𝗥𝗔𝗟 𝗛𝗜𝗧 | ✓

09

❝ BUT STRAWBERRIES AND CIGARETTES ALWAYS TASTE LIKE YOU ! ❞

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ♡︎♡︎♡︎

I WAS RUNNING. I was running the fastest that I ever had in my entire life, practically faster than when I ran to get to you to the hospital— and now I was doing just the same, but for a completely different reason.

I wasn't even thinking straight as I swerved the cars and people that came my way, there was a piercing ringing in my ear again and I could feel my throat and lungs burning— but I didn't stop, I didn't want to catch my breath, I just wanted to get to you.

Everytime my feet touched the pavement, adrenaline pumps in my veins, I could feel sweat drenching my uniform and my head getting lighter, my surroundings were getting blurry but I didn't care— I didn't have time to care for stupid, small things like that.

The moment I saw the hospital, memories of you began flooding my mind. Just you walking with me to cram school, you dragging me to random places, you buying me things I still kept— everything that involved you.

I ran past the guards that always told me to go home whenever I stayed too late in your hospital room, past the nurses that gave me an extra blanket whenever I'd fall asleep on the chair by your side, past the doctors that always told me your condition whenever they came to check on you, and past the other patients that tried to cheer me up any time I told them about my hopes and wishes for you.

With every floor I went up and stairs I climbed, my heart banged louder against my chest, my legs felt as if there were thousands of needles being pricked in them.

But I didn't want to stop— I wasn't going to anyway— so I pushed myself. I kept running until I reached your room, dread and exhaustion swallowing me in an instant.

Why did I hesitate to open the door? Why was I scared to look inside to see if you had truly waken up? Why did my heart feel as if it was stabbed thousand of times?

Why had I felt terrified that you finally left me?

Because I knew. I knew of what was to come if I opened the door. I knew what I'd see once I look inside. I knew what had happened and what will happen.

How could I not when this was the very thing I feared everyday ever since I met you? Ever since you pulled my wrist and told me to light your cigarette. Ever since you brought me to your school and did all of those things for me. Ever since you first held my hand. Ever since I fell in love with you.

I knew this day would come eventually, and I thought I had prepared myself for it— mentally and emotionally.

But I was wrong, terribly wrong.

I gathered every bit of courage that I have and twisted the knob— I was afraid yet I already know what was behind that door— and I pushed it open.

Empty.

Your bed was empty and clean. Your heart monitor was gone. The green flower origami I made for you yesterday was gone as well. You were nowhere to be found, not a single trace of you was left behind except for a little note on the bed, and I recognized it as your handwriting.

'Don't look for me.'

And I didn't. I was tempted to, I was ready to run everywhere again, I was willing to drop out of school and just spend my whole life looking for you— but I didn't.

You told me not to look for you, that was your command. And I obeyed it. I painstakingly obeyed it despite hating it with every fiber of my being.

I love you. I always have and always will, but— but you have now devoured my very soul, ripping me apart and taking my heart, eating it with your bare hands.

You were now gone, too far from my reach— I have reached the very end of the black hole, it had spat me out in a different plain of existence.

Tell me, [Name], why did I even love you? Why did I admire the things you do that are the same things that destroy me? Why did I let myself go past the event horizon and be swallowed by you?

Hah, you wouldn't even be able to answer that. You're gone, never coming back.

You have now devoured me whole.